The Spoken Word

The other day I was doing my post-holiday returns and exchanges when I stopped off at Rubio’s to rest my feet and grab lunch. Before I even had the chance to take my first bite a flock of seagulls (aka Parley's Country Club housewives) made their perch at the table next to me. The squawking was relentless as they caught up on all the neighborhood gossip. I tried to block them out but started to recognize specific names as I reached the mid-point of my Chicken Burrito Especiale. My stomach no longer craved the Baja cuisine in my hands; I wanted to throw up as private details dripped from the beaks of these vicious ladies.

After a mental check that these names were more than coincidence or happenstance I tried to block them out like I do at church services. It does not matter the denomination, there are always the gaggle of ladies that try to make themselves feel better by trashing those around them. I know this from experience as a victim and a spectator. I gleaned who was on the verge of divorce, who had a gay son sent home from a mission, the Christmas ruined by a father’s gambling habits, their ironic wagers on when a cocaine addicted father would relapse, and on and on. By the time I forced the last bite in my mouth I wasn’t sure if I was going to cry or scream. I decided to let it go but changed my mind by the time I dropped my tray at the trash and refilled my Dr. Pepper.

With purpose in my step I approached the table of public nuisances. With a big smile on my face and camouflaged as if I could have been any of their sons I injected myself into their dialog.

“Pardon me?”

With initial annoyance they stopped and looked at me. It was like when a flock of birds are fighting over a bag of chips and someone approaches, it was a wide-eyed nervous pause. Mistaking me as a possible neighborhood resident, maybe a child of some unnamed family acquaintance, or even a member of the country club they all politely smiled and I even received a “aren’t you the son of…”

I interrupted. “Sisters, Jesus prompted me to come over here and tell you to stop talking Shit and love thy neighbor.”

Shock overtook the table while those at the surrounding tables took notice at the new found silence from our corner of the restaurant.

I kept smiling, raised my eyebrows with the tilt of my head, turned and walked towards the door. I left a wake of awkward silence trailing behind me. A silence that typically accompanies the instance of a parent spanking a child too forcefully in public. An awkward disdain from strangers has a knowledgeable sting that can slap reality into ones life. Awkward indeed, but not for me.

I headed to Barnes & Noble and contemplated if my actions were too harsh. No, they weren’t. These ladies needed a wake up call and I needed to be their table conversation at dinner that night. They would wonder in fear who I was and what I might repeat. I very well could have been that quiet gentleman that sits in the back of Sunday School and spectates. I could be that man indeed because I am.

Later…

While at the bookstore, with a copy of Entertainment Weekly in my hands, the short dark-haired lady had found me and found the strength to start a conversation.

I saw her out of the corner of my eye as she debated approaching me like a teenager does when they want to ask for car keys (after having wrecked a car the night before).

“How dare you?!” is all I heard. She was convinced that she could create a socially insufferable situation for me like the one she experienced 15 minutes earlier. With a look that I have perfected as a camp counselor dealing with difficult teens I lowered my brow and distinctly asked her, “you have no idea who I am, do you?”

She wavered with the possibility that I could cause her societal bruising.

She continued, “How dare you speak to me and my friends with such foul language!”

My response was succinct and in a hushed tone that made her upper lip curl.

“How dare YOU take advantage of another's situation and turn it into lunch hour gossip. You are ugly on the inside – loud, mean, and ugly. That’s not up for debate”

I placed the magazine back on the stand and her enraged reply went mute in my ears as I again turned and walked to the door.

Maybe those ladies will think twice about their group conversation the next time they are in public. Chances are they won’t. Creatures of habit rarely change their tune.

If anything they will start looking around more often at church for someone that looks a little like me. Too bad they won’t ever find me.

‘tis the Season

With an extended break from the office I decided to pick up my paint roller and finish what I started almost six weeks ago when I initially moved. With a paint sample in hand I headed to my local home improvement store to grab a gallon. I went with a knock-off shade of Restoration Hardware blue in hopes that it would compliment my knock-off Pottery Barn green living/dining room. With an hour of masking the molding and built-ins I cut in the edges and loaded up my roller. Mr. Miyagi would be proud of my skills with a brush.

Two coats later my initial doubt subsided and I was happy with the color balance. Here are a few pictures of how things turned out. The colors are not a perfect representation since the iPhone is 2 megapixels and without a flash. The pictures make it look a little bit Caribbean but it is more subdued in person. At some point I will have to start having people over for some house warming parties.

As for the rest of my holiday break I had plenty of quiet time. I slept in for the first time in years (past 8:30 is sleeping in for me but in the past week I haven’t gotten out of bed until 10:30). It was slothfully blissful. My sister and I spent Christmas with friends from San Diego and caught up on our nap schedule.

I had a moment of bravery and decided to go see the BodyWorlds exhibit. With sister in tow and a plastic bag in pocket we headed to the Leonardo to see the human body in all its glory (and strange positions). I made it through without passing out (girls faint, guys pass out) or having to vomit. When I saw the cross-section of the obese man I almost lost it but with a little Lamaze breathing and counting down from 10 I was back on track. After an hour we were shunted through the exit and concluded that it was nice of all the circus people to donate their bodies (there was the archer, some copulating acrobats, the swinging trapeze lady, and others). All in all I am glad that I got to see what I missed out on when the exhibit was in NYC. But just like a meal at an overhyped restaurant, you visit once – say you’ve been there and opt for another venue when it is brought up again.

The highlight was a contraband photo of the placenta. One girl had to explain to her boyfriend that Tom Cruise made a meal out of Kate’s and another group of teen girls traded stories of how their teacher in Draper made pills out of hers. All I could think about is how it was a round placenta lasagna, a freakin’ plasagna right there in the display case. Eeeewwww.


PS: The white elephant gifts found a new home and are greatly appreciated. They outlived their use protecting my car on the road – they looked too much like a bong collection.
PS: PS: I have busted through the 100 page mark on Atlas Shrugged. Only 950 or so more pages to go. Kirk might get it back by 2010. True Story

It's worth at least 1,000 Words

Thanks to Jesse Michael Nix for creating my Christmas card this year. It's like the sun, stare at it too long and you will go blind.

Merry Christmas and all those other holidays too (even Creolesmas).

Dirty Laundry & Literary Addiction

It’s nice to know I can go about three weeks without really having to do laundry. No, I don’t wear clothes multiple times to realize this feat. I just have ample amounts of clothing, dry cleaning, and substantial hamper(s). Eventually I would be forced to face the reality that I would have to use the onsite laundry at my new place. The day of “eventually” was today.

I clamored down three flights of stairs with a pocket full of quarters and flashback of the undergrad years. I had enough liquid detergent for one load so that cup full went to the darks. As for the whites, well that’s what bleach was invented for, right? Turns out the capacity of the washers was a little on the smaller side and only two were available. This whole sharing appliances will take some getting use to. I sacrificed a few items and sent them back to the hamper. Some things can stay dirty for a while (it’s why I have three bath towels and plenty of shirts). In the messy menagerie of sorting clothes I managed to get a sweater into the washer. It had to be stretched after the spin cycle and is on the DL until further notice. (Yes, I know that wool shrinks and smells when it gets wet – save your chastisements). Even better, one of the four dryers was busted so I had to make do with only one available machine.

In any case, the real reason I am writing about this is because it is my excuse for yet another attempt at reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I borrowed the book from Kirk almost two years ago. When he passed it my way he mentioned that he forgot he even owned it until someone gave it back to him (seems that it takes a while for people to read it, I’m in good company). Kirk has assured me, on multiple occasions, that once you get past the first 100 pages it is literary addiction. I have a mental block around page 50 – it’s my stalling point in my previous three attempts.

Now back to how communal laundry is helping me overcome my weaknesses. With the extra cycles of drying and my fear of clothing being stolen I sat it out in the basement for two hours. Humidity levels rose drastically as the washers and dryers were in full swing. It was more eastern block bathhouse than tropical paradise but it wasn’t 24 degrees cold like the world was on the other side of the window. With earbuds in place and soothing music on repeat, I cracked open the dauntingly thick paperback. Within minutes the book sustained two direct hits from falling water bombs. I adjusted the location of the rusty, detergent-encrusted folding chair a few times to avoid the drips of pipe condensation. With minor interruptions I read with purpose and retention.

With the final buzzer sounding I transitioned from reading to folding. After packing up and ascending the stairs the book is back on the nightstand. This time the bookmark is on page 47, just shy of the previous page-turning blockade. I will pledge my efforts to plowing through the remaining pages to reach that Zionistic literary addiction Kirk has promised will be mine.

Fell free to poke and prod me on my progress, harassment is encouraged.

My Tuesday (a poem to rival Dr. Seuss)

This morning I woke to quite the surprise
A snow storm, a white-out, the kind I despise
I left the house early to grab my family, my sis
The kids, their luggage, to the airport, a flight not to miss

Sugarhouse roads were as slow like cold tar
An hour had passed, we didn't get far
When the plows pulled their heads out and roads began to clear
We arrived at the airport with a plane on the tarmac and more to fear

A trunk and backseat filled with stuff to unpack
A suitcase, a stroller, two car seats, kids, a knapsack
We crammed into an elevator with one minor hitch
We jammed the door and my niece repeated my "son of a bitch!"

The plane had left by the time we got to the gate
My sister started to cry, Delta we could not hate
The employee was nice and we rebooked for a day later
Jack Frost, you bastard, my family is a certified hater

We compensated with a fast drive back for a breakfast feast
To the Original Pancake House, feed me a Bacon Waffle at least
Dirty diapers all around and a nephew soaked in vomit
Fabreeze the damn car, scrub the leather with comet

As the day settled down I got word from IT
My laptop was fixed, my pants I did almost pee
The rest of the day was awash, remembered as a flub
What could I do but hit the gym, write this poem, fill my bathtub

May my prayers to the Patron Saint of Wednesday's be heard
Give me a relaxing day at work, for your day that comes third
I hope you enjoyed my poem, my ridiculous day
Be good, smile, and remember tomorrow is not Tuesday.

Life's Road Trips

It’s been one month to the day since my last update. I seem to have many “triumphant returns” to my blog. Well, triumphant in that fact that I actually come back to it and post yet another apology for the silence followed with my string of excuses.

So I last left off with my pending road trip from Houston to Salt Lake City with my dad. Obviously I survived the long trip. I have a few good stories from it and a renewed distaste for the highways of New Mexico, my apologies for the New Mexicans out there but really - what is up with your state?

A soon-to-be classic family story would be when my father and I were pulled over before crossing the Hoover Dam and had to unpack the truck. My father resisted the request for the search and even used the dreaded “B” word; no, not the one that ends in -itch but the one the one that ends in –omb! My life passed before my eyes as the Marshall insisted. I mentally saw us being taken into custody and detained indefinitely (I didn't even need a free readin’ by Miss Cleo to see what "could" have happened). True story.

As the journey continued we stopped in Cedar City, Utah to visit my uncle who had been placed in hospice for complications from cancer. It was hard to see him relegated to his bed but it was good to see him and chat for a short while.

After returning to SLC I had to get back up to speed at work and then find time to move myself across town. Yup, I have left my home of two years and relocated downtown to live solo.

The Thanksgiving holiday complicated moving my furniture and belongings since I had to drive to Missoula, Montana to visit the parent’s new homestead. Their small home was too small for the personalities contained in my immediate family (read as we had the usual fights that pre-date time itself). It was not my favorite holiday but I made the most of it – bought a HD flat panel to christen my new place in Utah (no sales tax in Montana, a $100 off coupon at Costco on top of the black Friday price, and having to make room in the back seat of my Accord made it worth it, if not uncomfortable).

After a week back at work I got word that my uncle had passed away. A true collective sigh of relief. My brother and father made the trek from Rexburg and Missoula, respectively. We headed down south for a two-day trip. Upon returning to SLC we got word that another family situation had arisen. This one had required my mom, older sister, and her kids to drive through the night to get to SLC from Montana. Without giving details that you obvioulsy don’t need to know – I had two funerals this week. What the (insert explicatives here)!

Needless to say, I was absent from work for most of the week. Then again, my new laptop had a corrupted hard drive so what was I really going to be doing at work? My MacBook Pro better get healthy soon or I will be taking it on my next trip to the disc golf course and will use it as a nice new aluminum putter. The picture was when it was new and I was still idealistic about running Windows on it.

I am grateful for friends and family that have stepped in to help carry my stress over the past month (hell, for the past year). I have been the recipient of the best hugs on record this week. Thanks for not prying when I wasn't ready to talk and thanks for listening when I finally opened up. Some people have no clue what I have been through this month and yet they are still there and don’t know how important their presence has meant to me. The dinners, lunches, and breakfasts have kept me grounded. Bowling, strolls to see the Christmas lights, and holiday concerts have all hit the spot. Having Hunter up from Texas was a big bonus - thanks for the distractions.

Here's a huge thanks to everyone for being there for me during this rough patch. I hope that I can be there for you when you need it. Until next time.

'splains a lot, don't it

As I prepare for the cross-country trek with my father I have come across these gems that help explain the generational divide between the two of us:

The 6 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Old School PSAs

Read...watch...pee your pants.

Riding Off Into the Sunset

(aka Driving off into the Sunset in a pickup truck with a U-Haul trailer)

Sooo, I just booked a one-way ticket to Houston for next weekend. It’s time to offer up an official goodbye to Houston, pack the last of the family belongings, lock the front door one last time, and drive off west with my dad. Yes, with my dad - just me and my dad.

This is going to be awk...wait for it...ward. I will not project or place expectations on the conversation but here is what might be covered before we hit the on ramp to I-45: Republican v Democrat. Old School v New School. Wal*Mart Atlas v iPhone Google Maps. Need I go on?

With that being said, I have great apprehension about this trip. I’m nervous. I’m anxious. I'm waxing nostalgic. Don't get me wrong, this won’t be my last trek to Texas but it will be my last time going “home” to my parent’s house. Houston has a special place in my life. It is where I became an adult and headed on the path to where I am today.

It’s where I
-started and then ditched the life of an oil man
-spent five years as a YMCA youth counselor and drove the short bus
-declined UT and Texas A&M so I could go to the University of Houston and experience true diversity
-was introduced to live, local music
-learned the joys of an inter-continental airport and a passport
-learned how to demo and drywall flooded homes
-learned to say Ma’am and Sir with a wink and a sincere smile
-learned that sometimes it’s worth the 35-mile drive for good food
-became a professional commuter and experienced ‘real’ traffic
-became a fan of summer rainstorms
-found great friends that got me through my 20’s
-said goodbye to my dog Sadie

It’s where I will always feel at home.

It’s like when I go back home to San Diego but different. San Diego is filled with childhood memories. Houston is where I became an adult. I can still remember my first flight into IAH with my family looking for a house. It was so flat and there were so many trees. It's funny that I found direction for my life in a place that I needed a map and compass to navigate for the first year I lived there.

I will always be grateful that my parents picked up and moved from San Diego (on my birthday) back in 1997. It forced me out of my comfort zone and started a chain of events that has made me the person that is sitting here typing this post.

Chances are this trip will be one for the record books. Spending 4 days with my dad driving across the Southwest will more than likely make it into my memoires as a full chapter. That is if we don’t kill each other by reaching the city limits. I am too afraid to hitchhike through western Texas so I won’t bail out of the truck until I know I can make it home safely (I should have never seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre). I can’t eject myself from the truck in New Mexico for obvious reasons (skin walkers and new age healers) so I will sit tight until we at least reach rural Arizona (yeah polygimists). If the universe allows me to make it to Southern Utah and I see familiar landmarks I have no fear jumping from the truck at speeds of 35MPH (roll when you hit the ground, just like Chuck Norris says, right?). If you happen to get a phone call from me around November 18th please pick up. I’m probably at the Greyhound station avoiding Large Marge and Pee Wee Herman. I might need you to wire me money, then again I might be desperate enought to part with my iPod or MacBook in exchange for bus fare. So when that phone of yours rings please pick up, please, please pick up.

As a complete side note:

For those that have ever been to Chuy’s (down off Kirby and Westheimer) know that I will still make an annual pilgrimage back to the Lonestar state so I can order a chicken Chuychanga with creamy jalapeno ranch sauce. If I can pack in a trip to Berry Hill’s for some fish taco’s that would be icing on the cake (but that cake would really need to be a slice of chocolate from Benji’s). Oh and then there’s a side trip to Niko Niko’s for a spinach pita and then a hop over to Rice Village for some Thai. I could go for some BBQ at County Line or stale cookies from the crazy Panaderia near Hopper Road. Maybe a few tortilla’s from H.E.B. for homemade fajita’s. Don't forget there is always room for a late night trip to the House of Pies for some chocolate silk and never, ever forget that when all else fails…Kat’z nev-uh closez! Who has the Tum-tum-tum-tum-Tums?! Better yet, who wants to go?

Winter Cold, Take 1

Mark the calendar – Nov 6th is officially my first sick day of the winter (and it’s not even “officially” winter yet). It dumped snow this week and there are three storms on the way over the next seven days. Kill me now! Snowbird fires up its ski lifts tomorrow, exciting and depressing.

Who knows if my cold is due to a week of not sleeping while my boss traversed the Middle East two weeks ago, if I’ve been infected with whatever germs he brought back, if I have the crud that has half of out IT department out (convenient that my new MacBook Pro is in the hands of the person that may have gifted this disease to me), or if I contracted something after bowling til the wee hours last night and didn't wash my hands afterward.

Who really cares? One upside is that I have coughed for the last 18 hours and have managed a killer abdominal workout. The other upside is that I’m bored out of my gourd and decided to whip up a post.

In any case, I write this entry under mild medicinal intoxication. I hate medicine and never, repeat NEVER, take it. The only thing I hate more than medicine is being sick so one obviously trumps the other (I guess my definition of "never" is more flexible than it might be for others). Dayquil gives me a hazy hangover that has been ever present with me today. As if I don’t have enough trouble forming complete sentences or typing, this is risky business people. Please disregard my poor grammar or unforgivable typos (I just typed unfrogivable, thank you autocorrect).

So in case you didn’t realize it, this week was election week. I voted a week early on campus and only had to wait in line 15 minutes or so. November 4th in Utah started with a nasty storm that brought rain, snow, and blustery winds. I can’t imagine having to wait in lines outside in weather like that BUT I still would have done it in order to cast my vote.

As I watched the returns come in Tuesday night I tried to take in the significance of what was happening. My doubts and misgivings about the readiness of our country evaporated as the news stations started to declare our new President-Elect Obama. The rallies of people that had gathered in hopes that their voices would be heard erupted with cheers and tears. Why reiterate the historical significance of whoever could have taken office here on my blog – my memory will revolve around the fact that I sat in my living room glued to the TV, iPhone in hand texting away, with the overwhelming sense that the country had made it choice clear. The Supreme Court would not be deciding this election, a collective relief.

WARNING: Ranting will commence from here on out...

Some of those that are close to me and have turned out to be apathetic due to many excuses: I just don’t know about politics, it’s Utah – my vote doesn’t really count, I don’t like either candidate, etc. I try to be understanding with those that are part of my daily life that would rather watch reality TV and get their politics in 30 second sound bites than search for answers. It’s hard to have meaningful conversations with people that can spout off random sports statistics but couldn’t verbalize what socialism is. Don’t take offense, I’m not asking that you have a degree in political science to comment on an election. My concern is that with how critical this election is – most people in my immediate circles are disappointing in their election acumen (click on the word for the definition, I can wait).

I know too many people that live and die by SportsCenter, The Office, Gossip Girl, or {insert your show of the moment here} but when you can’t take 15 minutes a day in an election year to familiarize yourself with the issues and candidates I have diminished respect for you. Even more appalling is when you try to have a half-assed discussion about a candidate with nothing more than information from a local news station that can barley package a 7-11 robbery correctly. I am not announcing myself as a politico or a pundit but the only thing worse than apathy is ignorance. Sirs and Madams, check yourself before you wreck yourself (and our country).

All things aside, I don’t care how you voted. I do care that you voted with some level of competence, that you can explain why you decided one way or the other, and how you plan to get involved. Please don’t put critical issues on the back-burner until January 2009 or indefinitely. Don’t let apathy or victorious confidence result in passing responsibility to “those” who are heavily involved in politics. It’s time now to take inventory and get involved. Our country/state/county/city cannot solve problems without the assistance and input of its citizens. Make it a point to attend a town hall meeting with a group of friends, make time to go to an academic lecture, write your representative (for hells sake find out who your representatives are!), engage your community in some fashion, read (yes READ) more than one newspaper/magazine/website as information sources and stop forwarding emails from your uncle/sister-in-law/coworker/listserv/etc unless you are completely aligned with its contents (and for the love, stop with the bad Photoshop jobs of candidates and images stolen from Google).

Now that I have slighted my non-political friends I won’t go further and drop Prop 8 on you. Just know that I have strong feelings on the issue and I have tried to understand both sides of the issue and its ramifications. As a Californian by birth and having been raised in an active Mormon family I have struggled with how the proposition has been handled and spun. I will leave it at that and can only hope that politics do not turn up at the Thanksgiving Day dinner table. It won’t be pretty and I am not afraid to sling the mash potatoes across the table, blind a sibling with the cranberries, or even sacrifice the stuffing up a parent’s nostril. Game on!

So who’s in for dinner this year? I promise to post photos of the eminent food fight.

How much do I love my family?

As I mentioned in the last post, I am moving in November. I figured that since everyone in my family has made a major relocation in the past six weeks why the heck can't I? Peer pressure is a beezotch. I have to do what everyone else is doing as long as it isn't smoking cigarettes or doing drugs - Nancy Reagan & Punky Brewster told me not to do those things.


I might not be moving more than 1,500 miles (more like 5) but a move still requires packing up all of your crap and hauling it to a new location. Most people hate doing this but during grad school I had the privilege of doing it many times. I was a migrant gypsy of sorts. I like change and have been in the same place for 2 years - time for a change.

I get the keys to my new casa on November 15th and have two weeks to move. I thought I had most of it under control until my little brother rolled through town this weekend (with 2 U-Haul trucks) and dropped off (almost) all of my belongings from Texas. I now have enough stuff for two apartments - see I pretty much moved to Utah with what could fit in my little Mazda and acquired everything else when I got here. My brother didn't want to throw anything away so they brought it all (even down to my banking statements from when I was 15). I started going through everything and essentially it looks like I am missing a few key items.

What you ask? What would be an example of such a thing? You said that your brother packed up and brought everything. How could you be missing anything?

Well, I'm glad you asked. (please do not take the next few sentences as being ungrateful, I love my brother for packing up this stuff and driving it across the country, obviously we didn't quite unload everything).

-I have a table top but no legs (they were actually saw horses for legs but nonetheless, I have a table with no legs)
-I have 100's of CD jewel cases but no actual CD's
-I have frames but not the pictures that were in them (I'm missing my diploma's - no biggie, just $40,000+ worth of degrees MIA)
-I have a box full of my undergrad work that can keep the box of my grad work company (does anyone have a shredder I can borrow?)
-I have a box of stuff from England - spent months in counseling to forget that portion of my life and here it is, (re)delivered right to my door.
-I have a handful of art pads but my brushes, pens, pencils, and other art supplies are missing

Essentially, I have a garage piled with incomplete belongings that I will have to move across town in addition to all of my other stuff. I hope that once the other trucks are unloaded in Idaho (with my parents stuff) the remainder of my things will be located. Like I said before, I am grateful that I have my stuff back, I just wish I had their counterparts to make them worth having/keeping. I can't really have a garage sale with half-assed products (or can I?)

One unexpected bonus: my yearbooks have been found and have proved to be very entertaining. The mid-ninties were an interesting time to be in high school. The grunge era was only kind to Kurt Cobain (and look where it got him).

Hasta.

Where to begin - how about nowhere?

I need to get on the ball with this blog, I know. I have a variation of the same excuses each time I upload my monthly tales. So as this falls of deaf ears, I'm sorry. I will try to do better (let the vicious cycle of procrastination, an overwhelming amount of topics, and an aversion to sitting at a keyboard while not at work repeat once again).

Sorry!

October continued in my need to vacation, and vacation I did. I want to thank www.delta.com for sending their last minute fare alerts. This go-around it got my butt in a seat headed for LA. I knew that I couldn't get away during fall break but I could disappear the week before so I used guilt to find two of the worlds greatest travel companeros and we we in the Magic Kingdom of Disney by Saturday morning. The beauty of this spontaneous trip was that we had little planning and still had a great time. My friends even downloaded a program to map out our days in the park - in three days we stood in line for only about 2-3 hours (total!). By the time we got our photo with Mickey that first morning it was destined to be a great trip - it makes all the difference when the people you travel with are simpatico. I left my camera in my bag for all three days but I have a few pictures that I captured with my phone...hope they satiate your appetite for pictures.

Oh Mickey - you're so fine, you're so fine...

The highlight was definitely having the Haunted Mansion decked out for the Nightmare Before Christmas

In case you wondered where candy corn came from. It grows in stalks and in trees. Duh!

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. I got soaked and spent the next two hours with a severe case of swotch.

California Adventure was fun but not as cool as California in general. Especially when we (I) lost my ticket and had to halt the fast-passes.

Changing gears, work is work and that's all I'm going to say. It has me exhausted and up to my eyeballs in foreign affairs. I'm living the dream of "don't ask, don't tell" so please don't bother asking me what I do. Truth is, I don't even have a strong grasp on it these days and it's different everyday. One thing I can tell you is that we are decorating for Halloween at the college and I expect it will be a crazy week of butcher paper, masking tape, and people trying to figure out what we are doing. The front office has decided to go with a "Birds" theme - like the horror movie. It's cool but we did a major chunk of it while the bosses were out on Friday - can't wait to hear the reactions (and curse words) as they see it for the first time. Not sure if my boss will go for it but at least it was a nice distraction from the work we have been doing (yet again, nothing I can really talk about but if you read the paper you can figure it out on your own).

Here is a taste of what we have been doing to the front office at work. I am the master of making trees and birds now - who knew I had it in me to be so creative?

My big news for the month is that I will be moving out in the next few weeks. The time has come and it's time to live without roommates. I have mixed emotions on the topic of flying solo, mostly I'm sad that I won't be living with Scott anymore. Scott is one of the world's nicest guys and I don't want to leave him high and dry. I have a few housing options in the city but need to make a decision this week on where I will end up by mid-November. At least that will serve as a teaser to check back on where in the world "Matthew SanDiego" is.

I will make sure to post pictures of he Halloween party and my costume. You might need to check the following link to get up to speed on who I will be: www.drhorrible.com (I won't tell you what character I am planning to be just yet - it's a surprise)

Until next time...feel free to place bets on when I will update this again. I have a feeling that JoLynn and Katie have a running wager on it. Let me know who wins.

Where has September gone?

Listlessness
Forgetfulness
Otherwise Engaged
Easily Distracted
Hurricane Ike
&
a wicked Sinus Headache with the bonus of a Tummy Ache
(hold the vomit, please)

These are my current reasons (aka excuses) for not posting as promised so many times before when I go a month without typing anything. The hate mail has been helpful – JL and Katie are so pleasant at reminding me of my negligence here (consider that your shout-out).

It is probably of no interest to you but for the first time in my adult life I am the only one in my family that has held their current address for more that 3 months. What do I mean by this? Well, let me tell you where in the World Carmen San Diego my family is:

Dad – floating between Missoula, Houston, & San Diego

Mom – pretty much camping in the new house in Missoula (Since 9/1)

Older sis & her family – moved from UT to C-land for podiatry school

Me – still rocking the same Utah address for almost 2 years

Lil’ Sis – moved in two blocks away from me last weekend, great addition to the social landscape & arrived just in time to escape Hurricane Ike

The younger brutha (from the same mother) & his family – relocated to Rexburg from DC/Houston

Who would have ever thought I was the “stable” one in the family?
(careful how you answer that)

It was a logistical nightmare to have so many people in flux but, as always, everything has worked out.

Random Tangents:
Music you should check out this week…
Daniel Agust
The Mollies
Garfield Mayor

Sales you should check out…
Visit J&K’s blog
http://spruance.blogspot.com

Techno-geek fixation of the week…
the new iPod nano (red or black, I can’t decide)

Mental distraction for now…
What to be for Halloween this year:
Dr. Horrible from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog

Online distraction…
The photos from people in Houston after Hurricane Ike
http://www.chron.com

Social contribution of the week…
I raised over $100 for the Utah Aids Foundation Walk for Life.
You can still contribute through their website, it’s a great cause and I didn’t see your lazy butt there – make penance by donating online.

Until next time…here are some pictures from my Labor Day trip to the US Open & the Hampton's:

The Junk in My Trunk

I have been carrying a weight around with me all summer. It's in the back of my mind and follows me where I go. I swear that at times I can even hear it clanking around (especially when I take a corner too fast). The weight would be the pile of junk that I keep in the trunk…just in case I ever need it. As the seasons change I need to reevaluate what I have back there (an extra 100 lbs can impact your gas mileage ya know).

Here is a list of what I keep on hand for those "just in case" moments of spontaneity. See how it compares with what you are sporting around in your junky trunk:

Baseball hat & Bandanna (for last-minute hikes & messy hair mornings)

Blanket (for the park & it covers the backseat when I drive 4-legged friends)

Board Shorts (hot tubs & pools are everywhere)

Camp Chairs (2)

Climbing Shoes + Chalk bag

Cycling Shoes (in case I ever make it to a Spin class again)

Disc Golf (set for 2)

Grocery bags (reusable ones for shopping & plastic ones for dog walking)

Flip flops (spare pair for poolside)

Hoodie (chilly canyon nights)

Longboard (Pintail, of course)

Magazines for wasting an afternoon working on a pre-cancerous tan

Running Shoes + socks

Scrabble Game (don't ask)

Tennis racket (2) + balls

Tool kit (only used 4 items in it so far and never anything to do with my car)

Towel (see Board Shorts above)

Volleyball (outdoor + it glows in the dark too!)

Somewhere in there I have a spare tire & a jack too.

Catching up...

...because I've been lackadaisical in updating my blog for the latter portion of the summer. It's been busy and I have fallen back on my mobile photo updates on Facebook to keep track on what has kept me ocupdao.

I put together a quick slideshow to carry you up to speed on what has caught my eye and kept my attention in the past few weeks. Too bad I can't upload it to Blogspot due to technical difficulties. That's what I get for not posting regularly and having too many photos in a slideshow I guess. I will post on FB and see if that works.

To make up for it I will post something above and then try to upload the video later but here are a few pictures worth posting:

My visit to the dump (aka the Journey concert when you take the wrong offramp)

The Alpine Coaster in Park City, Utah - worth every penny

This is a form of suicide for your knees - yes, I'm a pansie but made record time.

I made it out on the water at least once this summer
(I didn't quite master the wakeboard but I'm still smiling)

The Mollies adding some culture to the Apple Store @ the Gateway (check them out in iTunes)

4th of July - Week in Review

So it may have been a short week but it has been a busy one. It started off with my sister and her kids moving to Ohio. I still get sad when i think about it. We spent the weekend playing around downtown and trying to stay hydrated. Tony Caputo's was definitely a highlight (for the AC and the Meatball sub). I will miss my family greatly but they are moving on to Podiatry school near Cleveland so if the universe sees fit to have me be the sole member of my family in Utah I can live with that (for now).

Next up, I had a quick trip to Denver for the U of U's annual night at the Rockies. They were playing the Padres so I was more than willing to go. Turns out the Padres barely took the field and played some slophouse ball that produced the Rockies shortest game on record (nice Friar's, real nice - I took crap from everyone for the rest of the night).

The flight back was amusing. I sat near a lady that thought we were going to crash from the moment we took off. She spent most the flight bracing herself against the seat in front of her. I was glad that this was a 1+2 seat configuration - I would not have done too good if we were seated next to each other.

After landing I experienced some turbulence that almost grounded me. My trusty iPhone had been crippled. The speaker for the ear piece was no longer working. I had to use the speaker phone setting to hear my voicemail and make calls. NOT COOL. I restored my phone using iTunes and crossed my fingers. No luck. I bolted to the Apple store before it closed and after 15 minutes in the store and dinkin' around on Facebook with my phone it miraculously started working again. How does it always happen that things are never broken when you need them to be broken?!

Lucky for me two employees fiddled with my phone when I first got there so they were witnesses to my predicament and that I wasn't crazy. I had to go back the next day and after 5 minutes the tech guy disappeared and came back with a new iPhone. SWEET! I was planning on selling my phone in the coming months and it had a few dings and scratches but now I have a perfectly clean and shiny iPhone. My week was salvaged, that is of course until I went grocery shopping a left a bag at the checkout counter. Normally I would shrug that kind of snafu off but the bag contained the hot dogs and queso for the 4th. Back in the car and back to Harmon's. The day was never going to end.

In all of my forgetful moments and challenges this week I was proud that I kept things in perspective and never really got frustrated. I am getting more adept at laughing at myself and life in general. Work has turned me into a serious and staunch person that is not who I really am. I'm actively working to shed the uptight and stern-faced guy I have evolved into over the past year. Moving on...

I wrapped the week with some dog sitting that entailed a trip to Tanner Park, a walk to the Sugarhouse Arts Festival (not so artsy, no so festivaly either), a few laps around Sugarhouse Park and a quiet night of watching fireworks from my deck. I have one of the best views in the city and was stoked to have an empty house - it was nice to only entertain myself (and a dog).

For those that missed out on the fireworks you can check out the video below.

Enjoy.

Just before the show began...

How to pretend you’re living in New York City without actually living there...

Here is an oldie but goodie. I revisited my old blog (shockingly it was still up and going).

I thought I would repost one of my more favorite entries (especially since I gleaned it from the ladies in NYC). Laugh and crack a smile while reading the following - they are all good steps towards living the hustle and bustle of a big city. If you cannot "live the dream" in NYC you can at least daydream one in SLC.

Laugh it up chuckles. It's a bit long but they are all great suggestions.

Originally posted on my old blog: Friday, October 13, 2006

How to pretend you’re living in New York City without actually living there... 1. When eating in a restaurant, eat right next to someone, even if there is NO ONE else in the restaurant. Scoot your table over if needed. 2. Make sure you have at least a 45 min. commute to work. 3. When ordering food, pretend the person taking the order doesn't speak English. 4. Barter the next time you make your next purchase at a clothing store. 5. Pretend a complete stranger is homeless and give them a dollar or some spare change. 6. Don't go to sleep before 1:00am every night. 7. Light a cigarette and leave it outside your front door so you have to walk through the smoke every time you walk outside. 8. Get someone to pee on your sidewalk. 9. Have a friend ask you if you have any spare change every 5-7 minutes. 10. Visit the mental ward at the hospital and ask to talk with a few of the patients. 11. Hang a big light outside your bedroom window so your room is never completely dark. 12. Feel free to walk whenever possible. 13. Yell loudly at anything that slightly annoys you. 14. Yell as loud as you can when cars pass you. (kind of like the subway) 15. Pay at least 15 dollars for dinner whether or not it was worth it. 16. Move all the furniture in your apartment in three inches to make your place seem smaller. 17. Run around your block 6 times before going in your front door to simulate walking up 6 flights of stairs. 18. Buy 5 pidgins and 3 rats and keep them as pets in your front lawn. Be sure to keep a bag of garbage out there as food. If you're lucky they'll multiply. 19. Get a cockroach (real or fake) at least 3 inches long and stick it in your bathroom. 20. Take a cold shower....pretend you don't have any hot water. 21. Pay double your rent. 22. Eat dinner at 9:00 on a normal basis. 23. Refer to North and South as uptown and downtown 24. Collect To-Go Menus 25. Assign names to different sections of your town (such as midtown, the village, theatre district, financial district) and actually use them. 26. Make 10 Starbucks signs and hang them on every corner in a one-mile radius. 27. Spray paint the words "dog water" on the sidewalk. 28. Call for an ambulance or a fire truck just for background noise. 29. Follow an ice cream truck. 30. Pretend the next guy you see is a celebrity and follow him for a few blocks. 31. The next time you see two guys together, pretend their dating. 32. Ask someone if they're waiting 'on line'. 33. The next time someone asks you a question on the street...ignore them. 34. Invade everyone's personal space. 35. Walk at twice the normal speed. ---pretend you were supposed to be there 10 minutes ago. 36. join a gym and get a dog---maybe if you don't want to buy one, you could just walk someone else's dog. 37. tell someone to 'axe in faifth'. 38. Hit on every woman you see...whether or not you think they are attractive. 39. Use your horn for no reason. 40. When walking have no regard for traffic. 41.Turn off all your lights, but turn up your thermostat and pretend it's another New York heat wave. 42. Call in to work and tell them it's a transit strike and you won't be able to make it in today. 43. Find the smallest grocery store in your town and shop there. Who needs selection?! 44. Complain about the tourists...even if there aren't any. 45. Paint your car yellow and start charging your friends $2.50 to get in the door and 35 cents for each 1/5 mile. 46. Get a small water spray bottle and spray your self with water to simulate New York humidity. (make sure to get as wet as possible.) 47. Get a friend to randomly throw a whole bucket of water on you to simulate random rain storms. Make sure that you DON'T have an umbrella. 48. Try not to look at the stars for a whole week or more so that you forget what they look like. 49. Go to the top of the highest building and then pretend there is another good 40 stories above you. 50. Interact with as many different cultures as possible. 51. When someone talks to you on the street assume their crazy and that they want money. 52. Feel free to carry around a boom box with you at all times. Cover it with a black plastic bag, just incase you get hit with one of those random rainstorms...(I guess that is what it would be for) 53. Ask for just ONE slice of pizza. 54. When walking if someone gets in your way say 'Excuse me!' to get them to move But if someone behind you says...Excuse me..., just glare at them and keep walking, even a tad bit slower if you want. 55. Wait for a car to come, walk right in front of it and then yell: "I'm walking here!!" 56. Go rollerblading (remember it's the cool thing to do in NYC) and ask 50 of your friends (maybe one with a green truck) to start running uphill just as you come downhill. Be sure to use rollerblades with out breaks. 57. Pour yourself a coke and charge yourself $6, and don't forget to tip. 58. Wait until it's 24 degrees out and then walk the four miles to work. 59. Hold a dance party on your roof. Make everyone climb up a ladder out your window to get to the top. 60. Call the Chinese restaurant and demand that they deliver your food to you. In 5 minutes. 61. Carry all of your laundry, in your suitcases, 5 buildings away from yours, or to the local Laundromat. (even though you have units on your floor/in your apt) Make sure it is uphill. And it is raining. 62. Go to the middle of the quad, or lawn, and lay out in your bathing suit. Make sure there is no water to swim in anywhere near. 63. When at the grocery store, ask that they deliver your groceries. For free. Do the same everywhere you go. 64. Go to the movies and ask if you can pay $10.75 and request the first row. On the side. 65. When walking down the street, don't move out of people's way, stare them down until they get out of your way. If need be, bump into them. They will learn eventually. 66. Pretend you are a tourist and randomly stare up at the sky. Point and say 'what is THAT?!' to no-one in particular and see how many people you can get to look up too. 67. When driving disregard ALL traffic lane markings or signals. 68. Don't ever turn right on red. 69. Pull up to another car at a stoplight, roll down your window, and ask the car next to you where the nearest subway station is. Tell them that you need to take the C to one-oh-third street. And then say, oh don't ever take the A, except on nights and weekends and when there is construction. And the D NEVER goes local. Uptown OR downtown. You don't make THAT mistake twice. 70. Wear your ipod all the time and when people talk to you, pretend you don't hear them. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact. 71. When someone holds the door open for you, give them your change. 72. Separate all of your garbage and recyclables, then throw them all away. 73. Make your closet into a bedroom and sublet it for $900 a month. 74. Start tipping your friends. 75. Don't start your weekend fun until 1:00am. 76. Attend every party that you hear about. Remember it doesn't matter if you know the person or not. 77. Maintain alternate side parking rules. Be sure to double park for an hour and a half each morning. 78. Drive around the block 8 times looking for a parking space. When you find one, make sure it's only 10 ft wide. Try to parallel park anyway. 79. Rig your local fire hydrant to spray water 15ft in the air. Get the local neighborhood kids to come play in the water. 80. Set up a domino table on the corner. Try to get old men to come play until 4am on a Tuesday. 81.Stand outside the theater (not the movie, one where they do actual plays/musicals) at 5:30pm and ask where the line is for the lottery. Demand since you're the only one there they should have a ticket for you. Make sure to bring friends to increase your chances of winning. 82. Go to a different ward every month. This will help you think that new people are moving in and out of your ward. 84. Buy three different colors of spray paint, a frying pan lid, a cup, and spray paint scenic pictures of your town and sell them to people walking by. 85. At the end of each day take your garbage and pile it out in front of your house. Make sure that everything is in black garbage bags and that you don't throw it out before 10pm. 86. Refine your break dancing skills and dance at any public gathering. Be sure to ask for money at the end. 87. Next time you go to a museum. Tell them that you would like to only pay a dollar since its only a suggestion donation...right? When they refuse, acted surprised and tell you..ll be back on Friday when it's free. 88. When driving anywhere, make sure to print out plenty of mapquest directions. Be sure to not follow them or read them backwards. It is also ok to skip numbers, cause it doesn't really matter if you..re going north or south anyway. 89. Feel free to dress as you please...use accessories like hats, belts, necklaces and bags. If you need help deciding, dress in a different decade each week. If this idea scares you, just wear black. 90. Get really excited every time you see a Broadway musical soundtrack in a store. 91. Stand almost completely in the middle of the road and try to get a car to stop. When they do, get in and ask them how much it will be to get to your destination (remember to barter). Pretend they are a gypsy cab. 92. Host a party. Make sure to use Evite to send invitations. 93. Be sure to furnish your apartment with furniture you find off the street. 94. Be sure to get rid of unnecessary furniture (remember you don't really have room for it.) First thing to go should be the kitchen table....eat standing or on the couch. 95. Feel free to dance in the grocery store, clothing store, park or wherever else is necessary. 96. Try walking around your apartment naked. It's best to do it in the nighttime with your blinds open when your neighbors might be home. It..s helpful if you live RIGHT next to someone. 97. Leave all windows open so that any animal passing by can visit or die in your living room. 98. Put an extra lock on your front door and two more on your bedroom door so that you have to unlock at least 5 locks before you get to your bedroom. 99. Occasionally fall asleep on your couch with the light on, all your daytime clothes and shoes still on. 100. Get 50 (or more) of your friends to walk around with you at ALL times. Originated by: Sara Jane Lundquist Contributions by: Valerie Baker and Anne Wright Edited by: Sara Jane Lundquist, Anne Wright and Jessica Harris

For the love of the shame, er uh game

There is something to be said for being downright awful at a sport/game but still playing because it’s fun. Now I am overly competitive but that’s reserved for academic pursuits and three-legged races.

When it comes to things like tennis – the game of choice this summer – I can honestly say that my game is in need of some serious work. We’re not talking “quick fixer-upper” this is more like implode the money pit and start from scratch. Sad, but true – I’m all location, location, location but need professional TLC and some serious weekend DIY. How did I get off on the home renovation metaphor…FOCUS Matt, focus!

There was once a time when this type of realization would degrade into apathy and the eventual shelving of my racket. My fifth grade coach would be horrified at how bad my form is these days. If video existed of my backhand I might just drop my jaw is disbelief as much as I was dropping my elbow. But there needs to be a (re)starting place, right? Ego has little place on the court when you are a lame duck like me. It’s an exercise in watching, practicing, and implementing new habits – it’s an exercise in humility.

My serve is consistent – consistently in the net but at least I’m not knocking birds out of the sky or retrieving the ball from the other courts.

My long shot is great – I can hit the ball really long. It’s getting inside the lines that proves challenging and I love a challenge.

My short game is short – short on skill but I am becoming fast friends with the net since I seem to keep hitting the ball right at it.

Now that I have exposed my (lack of) skill on the court, who’s up for a game? It’s all “for the love”– if you don’t love it – I might just have you leaving the court hating it.

Doubles anyone?

There’s more to eating out than Chili’s

It’s no secret that I have rules about eating out – mainly rules that protect my palette from repetitive mediocre food. For example, having a peer group that eats out at least five times a week (or more) there are certain default locations that have good people opening their wallets for yet another smothered burrito or chicken strips. This mindless dining is something that takes a careful hand to wean people away from. I will only cover one of my dining rules here - this is the foundation for all other rules:

Rule 1: Friends don’t let friends eat at Chili’s more than twice a month! No matter how many things you “love” on the menu, the molten chocolate cake is not the apex of dessert people, let’s be honest.

I admit that when you get a group of 5-10 people together it’s hard to find a place that everyone will like. As a responsible adult I feel it necessary to put a halt to the frequent (and predictable) suggestions of “hey, what about Chili’s/Friday’s/Café Rio/Costa Vida/another Hot & Ready Pizza?” Like a group Intervention with the roles are reversed, the voice of the minority should rage against the machine until minds of the masses are opened. For the same price or a dollar more you can be granted admittance to the world of "better" food.

Like the old lady on Sit-and-Fit, you should start off slow when starting a new regimen (if you aren't catching the reference think about the old aerobics lady on PBS that is usually seen seated with a beach ball in her hands).

For all of you that complain when the group is debating on where to go (and you usually internalize the fact that there is never a standout candidate) this is your chance to add an option that can make a difference (remember that I am talking about dinner here, not the Republican primary). Before you follow the crowd to another establishment that has “awesome chips and queso” and "can split the bill 10 ways" try throwing out one of the suggestions and avoid the "let's meet up at Chili's" syndrome.

Garden Park Café, Grand America Hotel: 555 South State Street, SLC
It’s not as expensive as you might think. The buffet is great for lunch or go for brunch over the weekend. If you want to pony up for a nice dinner go there on a Saturday night during the summer for their Jazz night – it’s work the extra coin.

Este Pizza: 2021 South Windsor (840 East), Sugarhouse
It’s New York pizza – you cannot order pineapple and Canadian bacon here (well, you can but they charge you $99.00 to open the can of pineapple). Grab a roll of paper towels and dab your slice until you can fold it without creating a drainage chute for the grease.

The Stella Grill: 1100 East 4291 South, SLC
Try the Italian Cheeseburger – it’s a great departure on whatever your favorite is at Reb Robin (I love the RR, don’t get me wrong – I went there for my birthday so a group could be appeased. Hell, throw RR out there so you can at least get the A-1 burger of the usual).

Moochies: 232 East 800 South, SLC
Great Cheesesteak – get the peppers, ditch the onions, and say yes to the Whiz.

Joe Morley’s BBQ: 100 West Center (7720 South), Midvale
Just go and eat like a glutton – don’t forget the rootbeer. Your inner child will love the messy BBQ sauce and your taste buds will praise your brain for remembering about good’ole Joe Morley’s.

Finn’s: 1624 South 1100 East, SLC
Another great cheeseburger in Salt Lake – this place looks like IKEA threw up all over the place (in a tasteful way, of course). Grab an apple on the way out the door too. WARNING: They do not split the bill here (it keeps the cheap-o's away and helps keep large groups to a minimum).

The Lone Star Taqueria: 2265 Ft. Union Blvd (7200 South), SLC
Nab yourself a beef tamale and a fish taco. It’s great after skiing or a day hiking up Big or Little Cottonwood canyon.

These are just a small handful of places for you to visit before forking over another $20 to that waiter wearing too much flair. Even if you cannot sway the heard of friends away from their habitual dining habits you can go venture out with a small few. Let the revolution begin.

Feel free to add to this initial list - I tried to keep it eclectic and close to SLC.

For help in finding worthwhile places to eat and some honest reviews try visiting: http://www.gastronomicslc.com/

An attempt at naming my favorite 10 songs

Here's my Top 10 songs (in no order other than their respective decade) with a snippet of where I was when I mentally tagged it as a favorite and other useless facts that I associate with the song. I had to whittle this down from a list of 50 so any song can easily be replaced (I guess that fact alone doesn’t solidify this as a true top 10 – but you can get over it, I did).

80’s-
Journey: Don’t Stop Believin’
Branch Crossing YMCA, The Woodlands, TX. We would pump this through the sound system at our rock climbing gym and make fools of ourselves trying to pull off insane dyno moves.

Wang Chung: Everybody Have Fun Tonight
10467 Pine Grove Street, Rancho San Diego, CA. My girlfriend in fifth grade did a dance to this for our talent show. My siblings and I, along with my cousins, were relegated to a jazzy number from the Chorus Line – red sequin top hats and all. This was the kind of emotional stain that never wipes clean. I start to seize every time I hear the lyrics and break out into a cold sweat when our home movie starts to play. It's the train wreck of family documentaries - truly the stuff only the camcorders of the late 80's can capture. On the flip side, Wang Chung masks that musical scar and that's why I really like it.

Tears for Fears: Everybody Wants to Rule the World Tonight
Park City, UT. Our entire school bus would sing this song when the bus driver would crank up the music. It was usually followed by Karma Chameleon or Shout! Oh the days of the Book Mobile and the Scholastic book orders, 1985 was a good year.

Eurythmics: Sweet Dreams (are Made of This)
Cruising somewhere on the Glendale freeway, CA. As kids we would jam to this while buckled into the back seat of our brown full-size conversion van (the minivan didn't really exists back then). It had an orange racing stripe and I’m told on good authority that it was a bitchin upgrade from the standard soccer mom station wagon of the day. Think of it as the colorblind version of the A-Team van. "Who am I to disagree..."

Jefferson Starship: We Built this City
Rancho San Diego, CA. VH1 may have named this the worst song of all time but my sisters and I would rock out like we were in the bad green screen video with the band. That is, if we weren’t watching the Karate Kid on VHS and turning the family room into the dojo of death. Time to wear the bath robes and start kung-fu kicking the throw pillows on the couch. Hi-yah!

90’s-
Digital Underground: The Humpty Dance
Emerald Junior High, El Cajon, CA. The first big Jr. High dance I busted a move to this and proved to my peers that this skinny white kid could find a beat and throw down some moves.

Seal: Crazy
Villa Espana, Rancho San Diego, CA. My cousin bought the 'single' tape (it's all we could afford with our allowance) and we listened to it over and over. This was, of course, before he turned into a hapless white suburban gangsta. I can look back and see how it all happened – there’s nothing more troubling that a misspent youth in middle-class suburbia with parents that made it rain when called upon to do so. It was a hard-knock life for us (more for him than me judging by where we are today).

Duncan Sheik: Reasons for Living
Resmar Road, La Mesa, CA. Post high-school pseudo-maturity. This song placed me in the universe (as did the Smashing Pumpkins, the Red-Hot Chili Peppers, and my disdain for Hootie and the Blowfish). This one's not a real radio-play song and that's why it's on this list.

Warren G: Regulate
37C Balham Park Road, London SW12. This put living in the ghetto’s of London in perspective while making me laugh at the fact that my roommate from Rose Park, Utah would listen to it every morning to remind him from “the streets” he came from. I would never go back there as a tourist but this song reminds me that I survived living in a place that saw pipe bombs go off and race riots. Brixton, England is not for young white boys from the States.

Big Mountain: Baby, I Love Your Way
Del Mar Fair Race Track, San Diego, CA. This concert was one of the most fun I’ve had (with my family in tow). This song represents the summers of my youth and all of the days spent living on the beach. La Jolla Shores Tennis Club (and the towel service) lives on when this song cycles through my iTunes playlists.

The Haircut

In my grand list of things to get done this week there was one item in particular that normally is not an issue. For some reason the stars aligned to make this a week of speed bumps and problems. My adventure in getting my hair cut did not go according to plan (or budget).

Since my (non) haircut is a visual thing I thought I would opt for a videoblog this time around.

If you know of a good stylist/barber that I can go to after my hair grows back let me know. The 'pretend' stylist is fired - I figure I can simply disappear into the summer months and not go back. That's the polite way to fire your hair stylist, right?

The Blogging Hiatus is over (and has moved to blogspot)

This blog is purely based on my reactions to the world and that's gotta be worth a few laughs. Those that know me should be intrigued, those that were directed here by others might not be so entertained...give it a while. If you don't find it a little bit amusing then you can go back to mass forwarding emails about saving a sick child and other inbox chain-letters that everyone loathes.

Irony is what my life is. I see the strange. I'm a witness to insanity. My wandering eye notices the fun stuff that the majority dismiss or pass by without blinking. Those that have a keen eye know what I'm talking about. Essentially, the world impacts me more than I impact it but I'm working on that.

So why am I writing this you might ask? Know now that I know that you are asking yourself that question (just like I know that you had to read that sentence twice to figure out how poorly it was constructed). Essentially, I haven't touched my old (now defunct) blog in over a year and then I was asked to guest blog for a friend (a piece on buying Khaki's) and here I am setting up my own new blog. Sounds like the definition of a reactionary life, I know.

Does that make this blog a manifestation of my childish need to have what my friends have? You bet! Am I going to start neglecting this like a new toy before the first set of batteries die? Probably. Why should that matter in the here and now? You're reading it, right?

I'm already growing bored just going through and setting up this daggum thing (that's for my peeps in the south - my Texas drawl manifests itself every now and then). Is this a sign that my short-lived attention span will jeopardize the livelihood of this blog? Maybe, but you're still reading it, right?

As incentive to come back later, here is the post I mentioned earlier that promulgated this potential disaster known as my blog. The post below will be the summation of my venture (that's for my peeps in the north who might never read this but I had to include them too).

*posted without prior consent from the original blog owner but I wrote it so she will just have to deal with it. Found online at: http://www.spruance.blogspot.com/

Khaki's (Who knew it was more than just a color?)

From Left to Right, priced low-high
Target: Merona Lightweight Chino Pants $24.99
Express Men: Producer Pant Corded Pinstripe $59.50
J.Crew: Regular-fit Broken-in Chino $64.50
Banana Republic: Straight solid dress chino $78.00
Ralph Lauren: Slim Custom-Fit Chino $98.00

Father's Day is around the corner and here is my two cents on the wardrobe staple known as the Khaki pant. For some reason "Khaki" has become a catch-all category for any pant that is made of cotton and somewhat tan in color. Why bore you with the difference between Chino's and Khaki's when the majority of stores (& their sales associates) in Utah wouldn't have a clue if you asked them anyway.

Before I am accused of being a clothing snob (I am, I know I am, but that point is irrelevant) I am making the assumption that if you wanted semi-trendy clothes that self-destruct you will gladly visit the nearest Old Navy for a cargo pocket infested pair of American Eagle knock-offs which are actually Abercrombie & Fitch knock-offs created as a frat party perversion of a classic pant. If you are looking for clothing that is sold with worn and frayed seems or has the ability to hold everything you own in the 5 extra pockets then stop reading this now and go hang out at the Hollister and revel in the pseudo-California décor with its dated surf magazines and dark lighting that encourages shoplifting all while listening to blatantly marketed corporate alternative pop music you will eventually download illegally. There is a time and place for "new" pre-worn clothes (it's called high school where style is hand delivered by the media).

Please note that the suggestions I produced are still mass-market and bridge the budget from about $25-$100. No need to search any farther than your suburban mall on these choices.

Moving on…

I referred to the Khaki as a staple because its classic nature makes it the chameleon in your closet. It goes to work on a Friday or a date Wednesday night and can run errands on a Saturday morning. A classic cut and fit will carry you longer than the sloppy styles tagged as "loose cut" or "casual fit." Avoid the elastic wastes – accept your waist size and buy a properly sized garment.

Color is more flexible with a Khaki than in a traditional pant. American style has dictated that just about anything will pair-up with a shade of tan. The more pale the pant is (almost white or bone) the more it should be worn in summer and it can be a thinner, lighter cotton. The darker colors should be kept in the closet until the temperatures take a dip for the winter and be a heavier cotton.

Next up is the lineup (see photo above):

All classic, plain front (pleats should be avoided – don't talk yourself into it just because they are a nice brand and on "Sale" – there is a reason they are on sale). Don't assume that since you "know your size" that you can just snatch and grab from the rack – try on a few pairs. As painful as it can be it needs to be done – each brand has different fits, cuts, and styles (casual at one store is not casual at another). Also, if you don't live at the beach you should avoid getting a length that hits at or above the ankle. Unless you wear Sperry's and hangout at the marina, hey – you might, you should avoid anything but the traditional length.

Now what you wear with the Khaki is an entirely different topic and is dictated by our own style.