What I Did on My Summer Vacation: Part II, The Narrows

[Roll the R’s people, like in Spanish class. It’s the Narrrrrrrows]

Summer vacation at last. Here is my tale of the road trip that almost wasn’t. The threat of flash floods and threats from coworkers about my eminent demise in such flash floods had me scrambling for a Plan B, C, D,…H. Instead of hiking the Narrows we could go to Vegas, LA, San Diego, San Francisco, Catalina Island,…but we kept the faith, endured to the end and were rewarded for our patience (and stupidity).

Day 1: Hurry Up & Wait

We got a late start on the road. The weather in Salt Lake was less than desirable (all the more reason to get the heck outta Dodge). I spent the morning doing laundry and shopping for last minute things that I don’t need.

We arrived in Springdale (the little town next to Zion National Park) a little late and opted to upgrade from a campsite to a hotel room. I know, I’m not a camping purest but it helps that Jesse & Brian were easily swayed for the change of sleeping venue: setting up camp in the dark, unpacking early to catch our morning shuttle v beds, showers, and cable TV. (Hotel wins)

Day 2: The Blind Leading the Blind [hiking not to scale]

6 hours. That is how long it generally takes to reach campsite 6, our ultimate destination for the first round of hiking. Make your guesses now how long it took us…I’m setting the under/over at 8 hours. (hint: it took longer than 8 hours)

The off-road shuttle bus took about 2 hours to get us to the drop spot. After being left in the middle of nowhere we headed down stream (under the assumption that we shouldn’t use the road that had a No Trespassing sign). Armed only with a narrative listing of what we should be seeing, passing, and hiking through with extra help from a visitor center map we played ‘follow the leader’ through boggy marshland. After an hour or so doubt crept into Jesse’s mind and we had to face the reality that we might be headed in the wrong direction. Turns out we should have been on a Jeep trail instead of a stream bed. Pressing forward, in search of an abandoned cabin at mile 3, we were silently elated that the cabin existed. After an impromptu photo shoot we kept a leisurely pace into the canyon and eventually the Narrows. Eventually we had lunch, tested out the water purifier and I managed to drop my camera in the river. Never fear the camera still worked, I couldn’t change the settings and the flash was permanently disabled but it worked. As the sun started to descend in the sky so did our hopes of reaching campsite 6, we hadn’t even seen campsite 1 yet. We picked up the pace and our anxiety quickened proportionately. We played a game of reenacting or quoting memorable scenes from Jurassic Park, I dubbed the game Feed Me a Line. Turns out Brian is an idiot savant when it comes to remembering movie lines. He won and deservedly so.

The shadows in the canyon stretched down on us just as we hit campsite 1. A new river joined us and the rushing water doubled in cubic inches. The nice riverbed rocks morphed into slippery bowling balls and we stayed our course with grumblings from Brian and myself, Jesse decided to start singing (classic coping mechanisms). With each zigzagging of the river we kept a lookout for campsite designations. We contemplated setting up camp at 4 or 5 but, of course, they already were filled with hikers (the first people we had seen all day). With darkness officially surrounding us we broke out the headlamps and flashlights. After 5 minutes of the death march Jesse spotted Campsite 6 up in the brush. We set up camp, hung up our soaked clothes, cooked the best chicken & rice (and worst lasagna ever) & fell fast asleep.

Day 3: 6 Hours Left [Says Who???]

With the newfound knowledge that our pace was well below the “average” hiker we wanted to ensure that we got out of the Narrows before the next sunset. Somehow this knowledge didn’t translate to an early departure. We woke up late and were feeling the brunt of bruised toes and sore knees. We eventually hit the point of having to “go swimming” with our packs (glad they floated). We rested when we needed and screamed every time one would stub their toe. Jesse eventually stopped taking pictures every 10 minutes (his dry bag got scratched and was problematic, hope some of his pictures turn out).

After what seemed to be 100’s of twists and turns through the Narrows we were gradually joined by other hikers headed down stream (a sign that the end was within grasp). I knew we were close when old ladies puffing on cigarettes were hiking with us (PS: who the hell goes to a National Park and lights up cancer sticks?!). After reaching the trail terminus and posing for our “After” photo we tackled the paved path to the shuttle. This short path turned out to be about 2 miles long and felt like it might never end. The shuttle got us back to the visitor’s center just in time to hike to the city shuttle stop (this hike was never going to end!). When we got to the hotel/outfitter stop I was the last one to grab my stuff and complete my own version of the walk of shame through the bus; tired, smelly, mentally exhausted, and afraid of falling down the shuttle steps from fatigue. To my surprise, I looked down and there was my boss with his family boarding the shuttle as the headed to dinner.

Yes people, I went on vacation and my boss happened to find me 100’s of miles away from the office in a desert canyon town. But wait…we also ran into each other at dinner and discovered they were 4 doors down from us at the hotel we were checking into. I couldn’t script stuff like this!

Day 4: Curtain Call

With a good night sleep and aching bodies we all opted to hide out at the hotel all day. Angels Landing can wait for another trip; I couldn’t hike up steps let alone a hike that is rated as Stair Master difficult (according to the brochure). We borrowed some DVDs from the front desk and watched HBO only leaving for meals. This day was the dream of slackers everywhere. The curtains were drawn and daylight was barely seen.

We eventually traveled back into the park for an easy hike up to see the sunset. My vertigo kicked in a bit when looking over the edge of the cliff. Brian got a little too close to the edge, Jesse wasn't too happy, I waited for one of the unattended kids to run off the edge in defiance to their parents. All-in-all, a great day.

Day 5: Class .5 Rapids

After packing up and hitting the Spotted Dog for a breakfast buffet we headed back to the Zion Adventure Company outfitters for inner-tube rentals. For $15 we spent our last 2 hours in town drifting down the river. The water was cold, the rapids were mild, and the laughter was in great supply. We kept ending up in the vegetation on the banks and accosted by stray three branches. When we weren’t getting stuck on rocks and sand bars we were linked 3-abreast headed down what really was nothing more than an over glorified stream. After we passed under the 2nd bridge we hoofed it up to the road and waited for the shuttle. We looked like misguided hitch hikers that preferred to suntan on inner-tubes than walk another step. I love us. With a quick stop at Oscar’s on the way out of town we munched some lunch and hit the road back to the other Zion: SLC. Brian was a trooper and drove the entire way home. Jesse napped and I enjoyed the masterfully selected playlist (Craig Armstrong was just right for the drive through desolate Utah, aka Middle Earth). A few hundred miles later we were back home and trying to figure out how to wear work shoes with busted feet and pulled quads.

Vacation is awesome. True Story.

Bull $h!t

For some reason my parents decided to purchase a bull last week. [Feel free to reread that introductory sentence again if you need to] I cannot recount the timeline that resulted in the new addition to our family – other than it includes an online auction, an uncle with a cattle ranch in Oklahoma, and my parents becoming members of some cattle ranchers association.

Fast forward through my confusion and unbelief…Friday I found myself leaving work and packing for an unplanned trip to Rexburg, Idaho; home to Ramirez’ carne asada burrito’s, BYU Idaho, and Bear World (guess which one of the three appeal to me). As the universe would have it, the bull was in Idaho being prepped for shipment to Oklahoma this week so we had to go see it. As the ever-skeptical member of the family I was sure that this was April Fool’s a few weeks early. This had to be an elaborate way to get me to cross back into scenic Idaho, the home I never had. As always, the joke was on me (rather the joke was on me thinking this was a joke).

Friday night was upon us as my sister and I pulled into town minutes before my parents. It’s always great to see my brother and his family – they are the best. After 15 minutes of catching up it was on to more important things: food. As mentioned above, we headed out for Ramirez' Mexican food. It’s never a good thing to eat late at night but when I’m hungry and have a craving just try to talk me into something sensible. Grease, cheese, salsa, beans & beef - what's not kosher about that at 10:00 PM?

I spent a comfy night on the floor and awoke to the news that the bull had been shipped out the day before. HAH! I knew it was a joke. Our day at the ranch was quickly canceled and an alternate itinerary needed to be generated. Hmmm, what to do in Rexburg on a Saturday? We had already had the staple, local burrito the night before so of course that meant finding another place to eat…2+ hours later we were in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. If ever you doubted my family vacation plans are centered around food let this be your shining example.

After the 30-minute stroll around historic Jackson we discovered that T-Shirt makers founded the city and it has been the core commodity since tourists descended upon the great valley. We spent an undue amount of time pondering the fact that you can attach antlers to anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, and sell it at a huge markup. I learned that many park benches there have handles underneath them that open to the cave dwelling people from The Land of the Lost (Chaka, where are?). I was disturbed by the abandoned spoon and sock near the handle but I'm sure the rightful owner will reclaim these treasures when needed.

My father insisted on taking the long drive back so he could see the Snake River. He swiftly fell asleep in the passenger seat after 5 minutes on the road. The lethargy that follows a meal with sides of beans and rice are well known (as are the other side effects). The beauty of the Targhee forest was almost enough to distract us from the fact that my brother’s Yukon Denali had been instantly converted to a CNG (compressed natural gas) hybrid. Thank goodness for the square ice cream tourist trap out in the middle of nowhere, it was a welcomed chance to stretch the legs (I neglected to mention I worked out that morning and like an idiot, I worked legs). Eventually we returned to the village of Rexburg and got dinner started. My sister-in-law had tamales all ready to go (Mexican food was the theme for this trip if you haven’t figured that out yet) and my brother and I headed to the RedBox to see what was left. The funny thing about finding a movie in a college town on a Saturday night is that there are never any viable options. Complicating our situation was the reality of watching a film that the parents, a wife, and a sister would enjoy (this is an instant 3 strike rule). With a “borrowed” copy of The Taken in the DVD player we watched and learned to be fearful of Parisian prostitution rings and simultaneously wondered why we were eating Mexican food again?!

Another night on the floor and a solid kink in my neck made for a fun drive back to Utah. One might think that the freezing rain, snow, and road sludge were icing on the cake but that honor is reserved for our road trip lunch stop…Taco Bell. My expectations for dining while on the road are lowered and when having to select from the options in Blackfoot, Idaho they are severely lowered. We all have moments of weakness; this was more like a moment of disgrace.

As for the bull? Well, that could very well be just a load of bull $h!t. True Story.

Off the wagon: Part Deux

So much for going without soda. Roadtrips allow for these types of small exceptions: family gatherings, Idaho, and lengthy car rides through the land called desolation cause people to do crazy things.

Stay posted for pictures of the new family pet (this one might get me to hit the hard stuff).

My Coke is the one on the left, in case you wondered.

Life's Road Trips

It’s been one month to the day since my last update. I seem to have many “triumphant returns” to my blog. Well, triumphant in that fact that I actually come back to it and post yet another apology for the silence followed with my string of excuses.

So I last left off with my pending road trip from Houston to Salt Lake City with my dad. Obviously I survived the long trip. I have a few good stories from it and a renewed distaste for the highways of New Mexico, my apologies for the New Mexicans out there but really - what is up with your state?

A soon-to-be classic family story would be when my father and I were pulled over before crossing the Hoover Dam and had to unpack the truck. My father resisted the request for the search and even used the dreaded “B” word; no, not the one that ends in -itch but the one the one that ends in –omb! My life passed before my eyes as the Marshall insisted. I mentally saw us being taken into custody and detained indefinitely (I didn't even need a free readin’ by Miss Cleo to see what "could" have happened). True story.

As the journey continued we stopped in Cedar City, Utah to visit my uncle who had been placed in hospice for complications from cancer. It was hard to see him relegated to his bed but it was good to see him and chat for a short while.

After returning to SLC I had to get back up to speed at work and then find time to move myself across town. Yup, I have left my home of two years and relocated downtown to live solo.

The Thanksgiving holiday complicated moving my furniture and belongings since I had to drive to Missoula, Montana to visit the parent’s new homestead. Their small home was too small for the personalities contained in my immediate family (read as we had the usual fights that pre-date time itself). It was not my favorite holiday but I made the most of it – bought a HD flat panel to christen my new place in Utah (no sales tax in Montana, a $100 off coupon at Costco on top of the black Friday price, and having to make room in the back seat of my Accord made it worth it, if not uncomfortable).

After a week back at work I got word that my uncle had passed away. A true collective sigh of relief. My brother and father made the trek from Rexburg and Missoula, respectively. We headed down south for a two-day trip. Upon returning to SLC we got word that another family situation had arisen. This one had required my mom, older sister, and her kids to drive through the night to get to SLC from Montana. Without giving details that you obvioulsy don’t need to know – I had two funerals this week. What the (insert explicatives here)!

Needless to say, I was absent from work for most of the week. Then again, my new laptop had a corrupted hard drive so what was I really going to be doing at work? My MacBook Pro better get healthy soon or I will be taking it on my next trip to the disc golf course and will use it as a nice new aluminum putter. The picture was when it was new and I was still idealistic about running Windows on it.

I am grateful for friends and family that have stepped in to help carry my stress over the past month (hell, for the past year). I have been the recipient of the best hugs on record this week. Thanks for not prying when I wasn't ready to talk and thanks for listening when I finally opened up. Some people have no clue what I have been through this month and yet they are still there and don’t know how important their presence has meant to me. The dinners, lunches, and breakfasts have kept me grounded. Bowling, strolls to see the Christmas lights, and holiday concerts have all hit the spot. Having Hunter up from Texas was a big bonus - thanks for the distractions.

Here's a huge thanks to everyone for being there for me during this rough patch. I hope that I can be there for you when you need it. Until next time.