Bull $h!t

For some reason my parents decided to purchase a bull last week. [Feel free to reread that introductory sentence again if you need to] I cannot recount the timeline that resulted in the new addition to our family – other than it includes an online auction, an uncle with a cattle ranch in Oklahoma, and my parents becoming members of some cattle ranchers association.

Fast forward through my confusion and unbelief…Friday I found myself leaving work and packing for an unplanned trip to Rexburg, Idaho; home to Ramirez’ carne asada burrito’s, BYU Idaho, and Bear World (guess which one of the three appeal to me). As the universe would have it, the bull was in Idaho being prepped for shipment to Oklahoma this week so we had to go see it. As the ever-skeptical member of the family I was sure that this was April Fool’s a few weeks early. This had to be an elaborate way to get me to cross back into scenic Idaho, the home I never had. As always, the joke was on me (rather the joke was on me thinking this was a joke).

Friday night was upon us as my sister and I pulled into town minutes before my parents. It’s always great to see my brother and his family – they are the best. After 15 minutes of catching up it was on to more important things: food. As mentioned above, we headed out for Ramirez' Mexican food. It’s never a good thing to eat late at night but when I’m hungry and have a craving just try to talk me into something sensible. Grease, cheese, salsa, beans & beef - what's not kosher about that at 10:00 PM?

I spent a comfy night on the floor and awoke to the news that the bull had been shipped out the day before. HAH! I knew it was a joke. Our day at the ranch was quickly canceled and an alternate itinerary needed to be generated. Hmmm, what to do in Rexburg on a Saturday? We had already had the staple, local burrito the night before so of course that meant finding another place to eat…2+ hours later we were in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. If ever you doubted my family vacation plans are centered around food let this be your shining example.

After the 30-minute stroll around historic Jackson we discovered that T-Shirt makers founded the city and it has been the core commodity since tourists descended upon the great valley. We spent an undue amount of time pondering the fact that you can attach antlers to anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, and sell it at a huge markup. I learned that many park benches there have handles underneath them that open to the cave dwelling people from The Land of the Lost (Chaka, where are?). I was disturbed by the abandoned spoon and sock near the handle but I'm sure the rightful owner will reclaim these treasures when needed.

My father insisted on taking the long drive back so he could see the Snake River. He swiftly fell asleep in the passenger seat after 5 minutes on the road. The lethargy that follows a meal with sides of beans and rice are well known (as are the other side effects). The beauty of the Targhee forest was almost enough to distract us from the fact that my brother’s Yukon Denali had been instantly converted to a CNG (compressed natural gas) hybrid. Thank goodness for the square ice cream tourist trap out in the middle of nowhere, it was a welcomed chance to stretch the legs (I neglected to mention I worked out that morning and like an idiot, I worked legs). Eventually we returned to the village of Rexburg and got dinner started. My sister-in-law had tamales all ready to go (Mexican food was the theme for this trip if you haven’t figured that out yet) and my brother and I headed to the RedBox to see what was left. The funny thing about finding a movie in a college town on a Saturday night is that there are never any viable options. Complicating our situation was the reality of watching a film that the parents, a wife, and a sister would enjoy (this is an instant 3 strike rule). With a “borrowed” copy of The Taken in the DVD player we watched and learned to be fearful of Parisian prostitution rings and simultaneously wondered why we were eating Mexican food again?!

Another night on the floor and a solid kink in my neck made for a fun drive back to Utah. One might think that the freezing rain, snow, and road sludge were icing on the cake but that honor is reserved for our road trip lunch stop…Taco Bell. My expectations for dining while on the road are lowered and when having to select from the options in Blackfoot, Idaho they are severely lowered. We all have moments of weakness; this was more like a moment of disgrace.

As for the bull? Well, that could very well be just a load of bull $h!t. True Story.