What I Did on My Summer Vacation: Part II, The Narrows

[Roll the R’s people, like in Spanish class. It’s the Narrrrrrrows]

Summer vacation at last. Here is my tale of the road trip that almost wasn’t. The threat of flash floods and threats from coworkers about my eminent demise in such flash floods had me scrambling for a Plan B, C, D,…H. Instead of hiking the Narrows we could go to Vegas, LA, San Diego, San Francisco, Catalina Island,…but we kept the faith, endured to the end and were rewarded for our patience (and stupidity).

Day 1: Hurry Up & Wait

We got a late start on the road. The weather in Salt Lake was less than desirable (all the more reason to get the heck outta Dodge). I spent the morning doing laundry and shopping for last minute things that I don’t need.

We arrived in Springdale (the little town next to Zion National Park) a little late and opted to upgrade from a campsite to a hotel room. I know, I’m not a camping purest but it helps that Jesse & Brian were easily swayed for the change of sleeping venue: setting up camp in the dark, unpacking early to catch our morning shuttle v beds, showers, and cable TV. (Hotel wins)

Day 2: The Blind Leading the Blind [hiking not to scale]

6 hours. That is how long it generally takes to reach campsite 6, our ultimate destination for the first round of hiking. Make your guesses now how long it took us…I’m setting the under/over at 8 hours. (hint: it took longer than 8 hours)

The off-road shuttle bus took about 2 hours to get us to the drop spot. After being left in the middle of nowhere we headed down stream (under the assumption that we shouldn’t use the road that had a No Trespassing sign). Armed only with a narrative listing of what we should be seeing, passing, and hiking through with extra help from a visitor center map we played ‘follow the leader’ through boggy marshland. After an hour or so doubt crept into Jesse’s mind and we had to face the reality that we might be headed in the wrong direction. Turns out we should have been on a Jeep trail instead of a stream bed. Pressing forward, in search of an abandoned cabin at mile 3, we were silently elated that the cabin existed. After an impromptu photo shoot we kept a leisurely pace into the canyon and eventually the Narrows. Eventually we had lunch, tested out the water purifier and I managed to drop my camera in the river. Never fear the camera still worked, I couldn’t change the settings and the flash was permanently disabled but it worked. As the sun started to descend in the sky so did our hopes of reaching campsite 6, we hadn’t even seen campsite 1 yet. We picked up the pace and our anxiety quickened proportionately. We played a game of reenacting or quoting memorable scenes from Jurassic Park, I dubbed the game Feed Me a Line. Turns out Brian is an idiot savant when it comes to remembering movie lines. He won and deservedly so.

The shadows in the canyon stretched down on us just as we hit campsite 1. A new river joined us and the rushing water doubled in cubic inches. The nice riverbed rocks morphed into slippery bowling balls and we stayed our course with grumblings from Brian and myself, Jesse decided to start singing (classic coping mechanisms). With each zigzagging of the river we kept a lookout for campsite designations. We contemplated setting up camp at 4 or 5 but, of course, they already were filled with hikers (the first people we had seen all day). With darkness officially surrounding us we broke out the headlamps and flashlights. After 5 minutes of the death march Jesse spotted Campsite 6 up in the brush. We set up camp, hung up our soaked clothes, cooked the best chicken & rice (and worst lasagna ever) & fell fast asleep.

Day 3: 6 Hours Left [Says Who???]

With the newfound knowledge that our pace was well below the “average” hiker we wanted to ensure that we got out of the Narrows before the next sunset. Somehow this knowledge didn’t translate to an early departure. We woke up late and were feeling the brunt of bruised toes and sore knees. We eventually hit the point of having to “go swimming” with our packs (glad they floated). We rested when we needed and screamed every time one would stub their toe. Jesse eventually stopped taking pictures every 10 minutes (his dry bag got scratched and was problematic, hope some of his pictures turn out).

After what seemed to be 100’s of twists and turns through the Narrows we were gradually joined by other hikers headed down stream (a sign that the end was within grasp). I knew we were close when old ladies puffing on cigarettes were hiking with us (PS: who the hell goes to a National Park and lights up cancer sticks?!). After reaching the trail terminus and posing for our “After” photo we tackled the paved path to the shuttle. This short path turned out to be about 2 miles long and felt like it might never end. The shuttle got us back to the visitor’s center just in time to hike to the city shuttle stop (this hike was never going to end!). When we got to the hotel/outfitter stop I was the last one to grab my stuff and complete my own version of the walk of shame through the bus; tired, smelly, mentally exhausted, and afraid of falling down the shuttle steps from fatigue. To my surprise, I looked down and there was my boss with his family boarding the shuttle as the headed to dinner.

Yes people, I went on vacation and my boss happened to find me 100’s of miles away from the office in a desert canyon town. But wait…we also ran into each other at dinner and discovered they were 4 doors down from us at the hotel we were checking into. I couldn’t script stuff like this!

Day 4: Curtain Call

With a good night sleep and aching bodies we all opted to hide out at the hotel all day. Angels Landing can wait for another trip; I couldn’t hike up steps let alone a hike that is rated as Stair Master difficult (according to the brochure). We borrowed some DVDs from the front desk and watched HBO only leaving for meals. This day was the dream of slackers everywhere. The curtains were drawn and daylight was barely seen.

We eventually traveled back into the park for an easy hike up to see the sunset. My vertigo kicked in a bit when looking over the edge of the cliff. Brian got a little too close to the edge, Jesse wasn't too happy, I waited for one of the unattended kids to run off the edge in defiance to their parents. All-in-all, a great day.

Day 5: Class .5 Rapids

After packing up and hitting the Spotted Dog for a breakfast buffet we headed back to the Zion Adventure Company outfitters for inner-tube rentals. For $15 we spent our last 2 hours in town drifting down the river. The water was cold, the rapids were mild, and the laughter was in great supply. We kept ending up in the vegetation on the banks and accosted by stray three branches. When we weren’t getting stuck on rocks and sand bars we were linked 3-abreast headed down what really was nothing more than an over glorified stream. After we passed under the 2nd bridge we hoofed it up to the road and waited for the shuttle. We looked like misguided hitch hikers that preferred to suntan on inner-tubes than walk another step. I love us. With a quick stop at Oscar’s on the way out of town we munched some lunch and hit the road back to the other Zion: SLC. Brian was a trooper and drove the entire way home. Jesse napped and I enjoyed the masterfully selected playlist (Craig Armstrong was just right for the drive through desolate Utah, aka Middle Earth). A few hundred miles later we were back home and trying to figure out how to wear work shoes with busted feet and pulled quads.

Vacation is awesome. True Story.

Uphill Battle

The worst part about having a wall of windows in your office is that you can see the great weather you are missing out on. Instead of sitting in my office debating about all of the things I could be doing outside I decided to take a stand, I declared Wednesday a half-day. [shocking]

I checked a few webcams at the mountain resorts, checked the weather forecast, sent out a text to a trusty friend, checked in on a few projects, and coworkers, and then I closed the laptop, shut my office door behind me and didn’t look back. I hadn't planned on it but I used this hike as an opportunity to break-in my new hiking/canyoneering shoes (bought for my trip to the Narrows this month). They were a little big out of the box but I had to put them to the test sometime, right? They were spot-on. Perfect shoes & well worth the money.

I love to hike Bald Mountain at Deer Valley in the early spring and late fall so it was a natural pick for this leisurely Wednesday trek. Jesse and I drove up to the Silver Lake Lodge and started a “quick hike” that would allows us enough time to get back down the valley for our separate meetings that started at 6:00 PM. Our intentions of a quick hike were modified due to one of us having a leg day at the gym the day before and the need to just have a relaxing time in the mountains. Jesse had his camera and needed some time to get inspired; he is not one to take the same picture that he knows everyone else has taken. [He’s quite talented behind his new Canon camera]

On a quick side note, one thing I like about Jesse is that he is an avid reader of blogs and always has the best talking points. He shares some great stuff through Google Reader and I know whatever it is it won’t be a waste of time. I can only relate it to being the exact opposite of those people that insist on emailing FWD’s that involve a quiz, a chain letter, a mystic story, or some extremist message (you know the type). If it’s not interesting it’s not going to complete his sentence of “So, there’s this blog I’ve been following and they were saying…” Case in point, after not taking too many pictures he shared a quote from a photography blog about how “no matter where you are, there are 10 great pictures within 10 meters.” Truer words.

Any way, by the time we made it to the top of Bald Mountain there was no way that we were making it back to the car, let alone Salt Lake City, before 6:00 PM. We had fun taking pictures and talking about the upcoming trip to the Narrows. I don’t think my 2-megapixel iPhone really compared to his digital SLR but I still put forth a valiant effort.

The weather allowed for us to be conveniently lazy in our descent, not too cold and just enough of a breeze to remind us a storm was rolling in. In typical fashion we were starving and ready for some good food. With our combined short-term memory loss of what is good to eat in PC we ended up pitting a Blackberry and an iPhone against each other for a final destination (also the name of a movie we couldn’t remember).

After scarfing a bucket of chips and two dishes of salsa we were quickly stuffed by our main dishes. Needless to say, we were happily pregnant with food babies. With the late return to the city we both missed our 6:00 meetings, I missed an 8:00 softball game (sorry guys) and opted to go see Observe & Report (the mall cop movie with Seth Rogen). Sadly, the movie was barely worth the $1.25 but we still found moments worth laughing at. If anything, I have an appreciation for the daily routine of a mall cop. I will gladly take a frustrated afternoon locked up in my office, looking out the window, instead of patrolling the Valley Fair Mall as a rent-a-cop. Then again, I will gladly take a half-day the next time the weather is nice and I can manage a few hours on away from my desk.

True story.

Furnished apartment for the summer?

Turns out that I am housesitting (gratis) for the summer and will be ditching my apartment from June-August.

If anyone is interested in a well-furnished 1BR near the Catholic church on South Temple just let me know and we can talk numbers. It's a top floor, corner unit with covered parking. If it goes empty, which it probably will, let me know if you need a place for summer visitors (it’s better than having them crash on your couch or pay for a hotel).

Here are some pictures for curiosity sake:

Yes, that is an original Nintendo and it will be traveling with me for the summer.

Can you hear me now?

It seems that a few photos didn't upload from yesterday so here are the highlights. The day ended up being quite hot and the sun reflecting off the water had me squinting for most of the afternoon. Maybe it had something to do with the shiny metal table that helped bake my face too but that's in the past now as I face the Monday ahead of me. In any event here are 3 quick pics to prove that the day was a little more San Diego than Seattle.

The Red Bull Helicopter is famous for flying upside down (shown here flying like any other helicopter). I would have posted a picture of the inverted chopper but it did most of its tricks right in the path of the sun. In the interest of not going blind I refrained from snapping those shots but I am sure there is video online somewhere.

Thanks to the helpful Red Bull flight attendants (& the creativity of Kate) I was able to join the group in the Race Club Section. Hooray for free food and all the water bottles you can carry.

The winning flight. Frenchman Nicloas Ivanoff. Not my favorite by a long shot but better than having Hannes Arch win again. Wish Mike would have made it to the final 4, 5th place makes for a short race day.

I'm sending out a S.O.S...from Table #7

This is what happens when friends don't call friends to bail them out of work obligations. I simply asked for one phone call by 7:00 PM tonight so I could be 'that guy' that has to mysteriously exit a dinner program. Did I get any love? N-O. Did I stay for the whole thing? Just look at the picture, seems the Marriott is now giving away flowery hair accessories with every dessert. Any takers?

PS: I missed out on Wicked for this, yes...this.

PC v Mac

Take a wild guess which side is running Windows and which is running OSX...I'm Matt and I'm a Mac!

Bull $h!t

For some reason my parents decided to purchase a bull last week. [Feel free to reread that introductory sentence again if you need to] I cannot recount the timeline that resulted in the new addition to our family – other than it includes an online auction, an uncle with a cattle ranch in Oklahoma, and my parents becoming members of some cattle ranchers association.

Fast forward through my confusion and unbelief…Friday I found myself leaving work and packing for an unplanned trip to Rexburg, Idaho; home to Ramirez’ carne asada burrito’s, BYU Idaho, and Bear World (guess which one of the three appeal to me). As the universe would have it, the bull was in Idaho being prepped for shipment to Oklahoma this week so we had to go see it. As the ever-skeptical member of the family I was sure that this was April Fool’s a few weeks early. This had to be an elaborate way to get me to cross back into scenic Idaho, the home I never had. As always, the joke was on me (rather the joke was on me thinking this was a joke).

Friday night was upon us as my sister and I pulled into town minutes before my parents. It’s always great to see my brother and his family – they are the best. After 15 minutes of catching up it was on to more important things: food. As mentioned above, we headed out for Ramirez' Mexican food. It’s never a good thing to eat late at night but when I’m hungry and have a craving just try to talk me into something sensible. Grease, cheese, salsa, beans & beef - what's not kosher about that at 10:00 PM?

I spent a comfy night on the floor and awoke to the news that the bull had been shipped out the day before. HAH! I knew it was a joke. Our day at the ranch was quickly canceled and an alternate itinerary needed to be generated. Hmmm, what to do in Rexburg on a Saturday? We had already had the staple, local burrito the night before so of course that meant finding another place to eat…2+ hours later we were in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. If ever you doubted my family vacation plans are centered around food let this be your shining example.

After the 30-minute stroll around historic Jackson we discovered that T-Shirt makers founded the city and it has been the core commodity since tourists descended upon the great valley. We spent an undue amount of time pondering the fact that you can attach antlers to anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, and sell it at a huge markup. I learned that many park benches there have handles underneath them that open to the cave dwelling people from The Land of the Lost (Chaka, where are?). I was disturbed by the abandoned spoon and sock near the handle but I'm sure the rightful owner will reclaim these treasures when needed.

My father insisted on taking the long drive back so he could see the Snake River. He swiftly fell asleep in the passenger seat after 5 minutes on the road. The lethargy that follows a meal with sides of beans and rice are well known (as are the other side effects). The beauty of the Targhee forest was almost enough to distract us from the fact that my brother’s Yukon Denali had been instantly converted to a CNG (compressed natural gas) hybrid. Thank goodness for the square ice cream tourist trap out in the middle of nowhere, it was a welcomed chance to stretch the legs (I neglected to mention I worked out that morning and like an idiot, I worked legs). Eventually we returned to the village of Rexburg and got dinner started. My sister-in-law had tamales all ready to go (Mexican food was the theme for this trip if you haven’t figured that out yet) and my brother and I headed to the RedBox to see what was left. The funny thing about finding a movie in a college town on a Saturday night is that there are never any viable options. Complicating our situation was the reality of watching a film that the parents, a wife, and a sister would enjoy (this is an instant 3 strike rule). With a “borrowed” copy of The Taken in the DVD player we watched and learned to be fearful of Parisian prostitution rings and simultaneously wondered why we were eating Mexican food again?!

Another night on the floor and a solid kink in my neck made for a fun drive back to Utah. One might think that the freezing rain, snow, and road sludge were icing on the cake but that honor is reserved for our road trip lunch stop…Taco Bell. My expectations for dining while on the road are lowered and when having to select from the options in Blackfoot, Idaho they are severely lowered. We all have moments of weakness; this was more like a moment of disgrace.

As for the bull? Well, that could very well be just a load of bull $h!t. True Story.

Personality Quiz: Judge Me By My Movies - Not a Questionnaire

For as long as there has been email there have been quizzes and questionnaires that present themselves as social divining rods that place you in simple, pigeonholed classifications. Are you a nurturer, a leper, giving, or needy? Are you compassionate, selfish, a leader, or a wallflower? For some reason answering 20 fill-in-the-blank questions or complying with “delete my answers and insert your own then forward to everyone you know” has the power to cast you as a red, yellow, blue, or white personality. Who needs to read books, visit with a therapist, or internalize deep questions when all you really need to decide is are you hugs or kisses, chocolate or vanilla, and who is most/least likely to reply?

Well in the spirit of all things asinine I am going to present you with my own personality test. One that has no relevance to anything other than what you can take away from my choice of DVD purchases. Mind you, these are not what I have rented or what is on my top 10 list. These are movies I have either inherited, been gifted, or spent my own dollar on. My subconscious decisions to keep or dismiss a movie are similar to the dilemma of the decision maker found on such fine TV shows as ElimiDate or Parental Control (translated as: there is a method to my madness but it is particular to each movie – no broad, sweeping checklist for what stays or goes). I am unable to list those that have been shunted to the trash so, just like online personality tests, this just got even more unscientific.

Sure there are plenty of movies I would like to own but I have restrained my purchases to a minimum. I have not gone down the path like some that buy a movie rather than Redboxing it. They have a collection of titles that triggers a “what the hell were you thinking when you bought this?!” response. The reply is usually along the lines of, “I thought it could be good” or my personal favorite, “It was on sale for $2.99, so worth it! Right?”

The only time I have ever found myself internally debating the “it is on sale” defense was at a local grocery store as a group of friends were discovering the treasures in the bin by the registers. I saw two classics that had to come home with me. The original Vacation and Fletch – two classic Chevy Chase flicks that would eventually sustain me as I went 6 weeks without cable after moving. That fact alone speaks volumes to who I am but in an attempt to add fuel to the fire (like an arsonists in an oil field) here is a list of the small video vault that resides in my ottoman:

(In no particular order, seriously)
National Lampoons Vacation, The Baxter, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Clue, Hot Fuzz, Blazing Saddles, Labyrinth, Office Space, American Beauty, Casino Royale, Fletch, In Bruges, The Big Lebowski, Psycho Beach Party, B.A.P.S., Nacho Libre, Seasons 1-3 of the Family Guy, Season 1 of MXC, The Sandlot, Toy Story 1 & 2, BMW Films: the Driver, Saints and Soldiers, Spellbound, Super Size Me, Saved, Goldmember, Zoolander, Young Frankenstein, Top Gun, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Airplane!, Waiting for Guffman, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the Goonies, Three Amigos, Teen Wolf 1 & 2, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Spaceballs, Step Into Liquid, Riding Giants, and Career Opportunities.*

*I confess that Career Opportunities is not actually mine. It has been high-jacked from my friend Mason, the czar of movies. I have watched it about 5 times in the past 2 months and think it is a sleeper classic of the 80’s. If you haven’t seen it you can always come over and watch it before Mason demands I return it.

So mull those over and try and figure out what my personality is. There is a story behind every purchase and I can elaborate extensively on each one (if required).

‘tis the Season

With an extended break from the office I decided to pick up my paint roller and finish what I started almost six weeks ago when I initially moved. With a paint sample in hand I headed to my local home improvement store to grab a gallon. I went with a knock-off shade of Restoration Hardware blue in hopes that it would compliment my knock-off Pottery Barn green living/dining room. With an hour of masking the molding and built-ins I cut in the edges and loaded up my roller. Mr. Miyagi would be proud of my skills with a brush.

Two coats later my initial doubt subsided and I was happy with the color balance. Here are a few pictures of how things turned out. The colors are not a perfect representation since the iPhone is 2 megapixels and without a flash. The pictures make it look a little bit Caribbean but it is more subdued in person. At some point I will have to start having people over for some house warming parties.

As for the rest of my holiday break I had plenty of quiet time. I slept in for the first time in years (past 8:30 is sleeping in for me but in the past week I haven’t gotten out of bed until 10:30). It was slothfully blissful. My sister and I spent Christmas with friends from San Diego and caught up on our nap schedule.

I had a moment of bravery and decided to go see the BodyWorlds exhibit. With sister in tow and a plastic bag in pocket we headed to the Leonardo to see the human body in all its glory (and strange positions). I made it through without passing out (girls faint, guys pass out) or having to vomit. When I saw the cross-section of the obese man I almost lost it but with a little Lamaze breathing and counting down from 10 I was back on track. After an hour we were shunted through the exit and concluded that it was nice of all the circus people to donate their bodies (there was the archer, some copulating acrobats, the swinging trapeze lady, and others). All in all I am glad that I got to see what I missed out on when the exhibit was in NYC. But just like a meal at an overhyped restaurant, you visit once – say you’ve been there and opt for another venue when it is brought up again.

The highlight was a contraband photo of the placenta. One girl had to explain to her boyfriend that Tom Cruise made a meal out of Kate’s and another group of teen girls traded stories of how their teacher in Draper made pills out of hers. All I could think about is how it was a round placenta lasagna, a freakin’ plasagna right there in the display case. Eeeewwww.


PS: The white elephant gifts found a new home and are greatly appreciated. They outlived their use protecting my car on the road – they looked too much like a bong collection.
PS: PS: I have busted through the 100 page mark on Atlas Shrugged. Only 950 or so more pages to go. Kirk might get it back by 2010. True Story

It's worth at least 1,000 Words

Thanks to Jesse Michael Nix for creating my Christmas card this year. It's like the sun, stare at it too long and you will go blind.

Merry Christmas and all those other holidays too (even Creolesmas).

Dirty Laundry & Literary Addiction

It’s nice to know I can go about three weeks without really having to do laundry. No, I don’t wear clothes multiple times to realize this feat. I just have ample amounts of clothing, dry cleaning, and substantial hamper(s). Eventually I would be forced to face the reality that I would have to use the onsite laundry at my new place. The day of “eventually” was today.

I clamored down three flights of stairs with a pocket full of quarters and flashback of the undergrad years. I had enough liquid detergent for one load so that cup full went to the darks. As for the whites, well that’s what bleach was invented for, right? Turns out the capacity of the washers was a little on the smaller side and only two were available. This whole sharing appliances will take some getting use to. I sacrificed a few items and sent them back to the hamper. Some things can stay dirty for a while (it’s why I have three bath towels and plenty of shirts). In the messy menagerie of sorting clothes I managed to get a sweater into the washer. It had to be stretched after the spin cycle and is on the DL until further notice. (Yes, I know that wool shrinks and smells when it gets wet – save your chastisements). Even better, one of the four dryers was busted so I had to make do with only one available machine.

In any case, the real reason I am writing about this is because it is my excuse for yet another attempt at reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I borrowed the book from Kirk almost two years ago. When he passed it my way he mentioned that he forgot he even owned it until someone gave it back to him (seems that it takes a while for people to read it, I’m in good company). Kirk has assured me, on multiple occasions, that once you get past the first 100 pages it is literary addiction. I have a mental block around page 50 – it’s my stalling point in my previous three attempts.

Now back to how communal laundry is helping me overcome my weaknesses. With the extra cycles of drying and my fear of clothing being stolen I sat it out in the basement for two hours. Humidity levels rose drastically as the washers and dryers were in full swing. It was more eastern block bathhouse than tropical paradise but it wasn’t 24 degrees cold like the world was on the other side of the window. With earbuds in place and soothing music on repeat, I cracked open the dauntingly thick paperback. Within minutes the book sustained two direct hits from falling water bombs. I adjusted the location of the rusty, detergent-encrusted folding chair a few times to avoid the drips of pipe condensation. With minor interruptions I read with purpose and retention.

With the final buzzer sounding I transitioned from reading to folding. After packing up and ascending the stairs the book is back on the nightstand. This time the bookmark is on page 47, just shy of the previous page-turning blockade. I will pledge my efforts to plowing through the remaining pages to reach that Zionistic literary addiction Kirk has promised will be mine.

Fell free to poke and prod me on my progress, harassment is encouraged.