 | How to pretend you’re living in New York City without actually living there... 1. When eating in a restaurant, eat right next to someone, even if there is NO ONE else in the restaurant. Scoot your table over if needed.
2. Make sure you have at least a 45 min. commute to work.
3. When ordering food, pretend the person taking the order doesn't speak English.
4. Barter the next time you make your next purchase at a clothing store.
5. Pretend a complete stranger is homeless and give them a dollar or some spare change.
6. Don't go to sleep before 1:00am every night.
7. Light a cigarette and leave it outside your front door so you have to walk through the smoke every time you walk outside.
8. Get someone to pee on your sidewalk.
9. Have a friend ask you if you have any spare change every 5-7 minutes.
10. Visit the mental ward at the hospital and ask to talk with a few of the patients.
11. Hang a big light outside your bedroom window so your room is never completely dark.
12. Feel free to walk whenever possible.
13. Yell loudly at anything that slightly annoys you.
14. Yell as loud as you can when cars pass you. (kind of like the subway)
15. Pay at least 15 dollars for dinner whether or not it was worth it.
16. Move all the furniture in your apartment in three inches to make your place seem smaller.
17. Run around your block 6 times before going in your front door to simulate walking up 6 flights of stairs.
18. Buy 5 pidgins and 3 rats and keep them as pets in your front lawn. Be sure to keep a bag of garbage out there as food. If you're lucky they'll multiply.
19. Get a cockroach (real or fake) at least 3 inches long and stick it in your bathroom.
20. Take a cold shower....pretend you don't have any hot water.
21. Pay double your rent.
22. Eat dinner at 9:00 on a normal basis.
23. Refer to North and South as uptown and downtown
24. Collect To-Go Menus
25. Assign names to different sections of your town (such as midtown, the village, theatre district, financial district) and actually use them.
26. Make 10 Starbucks signs and hang them on every corner in a one-mile radius.
27. Spray paint the words "dog water" on the sidewalk.
28. Call for an ambulance or a fire truck just for background noise.
29. Follow an ice cream truck.
30. Pretend the next guy you see is a celebrity and follow him for a few blocks.
31. The next time you see two guys together, pretend their dating.
32. Ask someone if they're waiting 'on line'.
33. The next time someone asks you a question on the street...ignore them.
34. Invade everyone's personal space.
35. Walk at twice the normal speed. ---pretend you were supposed to be there 10 minutes ago.
36. join a gym and get a dog---maybe if you don't want to buy one, you could just walk someone else's dog.
37. tell someone to 'axe in faifth'.
38. Hit on every woman you see...whether or not you think they are attractive.
39. Use your horn for no reason.
40. When walking have no regard for traffic.
41.Turn off all your lights, but turn up your thermostat and pretend it's another New York heat wave.
42. Call in to work and tell them it's a transit strike and you won't be able to make it in today.
43. Find the smallest grocery store in your town and shop there. Who needs selection?!
44. Complain about the tourists...even if there aren't any.
45. Paint your car yellow and start charging your friends $2.50 to get in the door and 35 cents for each 1/5 mile.
46. Get a small water spray bottle and spray your self with water to simulate New York humidity. (make sure to get as wet as possible.)
47. Get a friend to randomly throw a whole bucket of water on you to simulate random rain storms. Make sure that you DON'T have an umbrella.
48. Try not to look at the stars for a whole week or more so that you forget what they look like.
49. Go to the top of the highest building and then pretend there is another good 40 stories above you.
50. Interact with as many different cultures as possible.
51. When someone talks to you on the street assume their crazy and that they want money.
52. Feel free to carry around a boom box with you at all times. Cover it with a black plastic bag, just incase you get hit with one of those random rainstorms...(I guess that is what it would be for)
53. Ask for just ONE slice of pizza.
54. When walking if someone gets in your way say 'Excuse me!' to get them to move But if someone behind you says...Excuse me..., just glare at them and keep walking, even a tad bit slower if you want.
55. Wait for a car to come, walk right in front of it and then yell: "I'm walking here!!"
56. Go rollerblading (remember it's the cool thing to do in NYC) and ask 50 of your friends (maybe one with a green truck) to start running uphill just as you come downhill. Be sure to use rollerblades with out breaks.
57. Pour yourself a coke and charge yourself $6, and don't forget to tip.
58. Wait until it's 24 degrees out and then walk the four miles to work.
59. Hold a dance party on your roof. Make everyone climb up a ladder out your window to get to the top.
60. Call the Chinese restaurant and demand that they deliver your food to you. In 5 minutes.
61. Carry all of your laundry, in your suitcases, 5 buildings away from yours, or to the local Laundromat. (even though you have units on your floor/in your apt) Make sure it is uphill. And it is raining.
62. Go to the middle of the quad, or lawn, and lay out in your bathing suit. Make sure there is no water to swim in anywhere near.
63. When at the grocery store, ask that they deliver your groceries. For free. Do the same everywhere you go.
64. Go to the movies and ask if you can pay $10.75 and request the first row. On the side.
65. When walking down the street, don't move out of people's way, stare them down until they get out of your way. If need be, bump into them. They will learn eventually.
66. Pretend you are a tourist and randomly stare up at the sky. Point and say 'what is THAT?!' to no-one in particular and see how many people you can get to look up too.
67. When driving disregard ALL traffic lane markings or signals.
68. Don't ever turn right on red.
69. Pull up to another car at a stoplight, roll down your window, and ask the car next to you where the nearest subway station is. Tell them that you need to take the C to one-oh-third street. And then say, oh don't ever take the A, except on nights and weekends and when there is construction. And the D NEVER goes local. Uptown OR downtown. You don't make THAT mistake twice.
70. Wear your ipod all the time and when people talk to you, pretend you don't hear them. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact.
71. When someone holds the door open for you, give them your change.
72. Separate all of your garbage and recyclables, then throw them all away.
73. Make your closet into a bedroom and sublet it for $900 a month.
74. Start tipping your friends.
75. Don't start your weekend fun until 1:00am.
76. Attend every party that you hear about. Remember it doesn't matter if you know the person or not.
77. Maintain alternate side parking rules. Be sure to double park for an hour and a half each morning.
78. Drive around the block 8 times looking for a parking space. When you find one, make sure it's only 10 ft wide. Try to parallel park anyway.
79. Rig your local fire hydrant to spray water 15ft in the air. Get the local neighborhood kids to come play in the water.
80. Set up a domino table on the corner. Try to get old men to come play until 4am on a Tuesday.
81.Stand outside the theater (not the movie, one where they do actual plays/musicals) at 5:30pm and ask where the line is for the lottery. Demand since you're the only one there they should have a ticket for you. Make sure to bring friends to increase your chances of winning.
82. Go to a different ward every month. This will help you think that new people are moving in and out of your ward.
84. Buy three different colors of spray paint, a frying pan lid, a cup, and spray paint scenic pictures of your town and sell them to people walking by.
85. At the end of each day take your garbage and pile it out in front of your house. Make sure that everything is in black garbage bags and that you don't throw it out before 10pm.
86. Refine your break dancing skills and dance at any public gathering. Be sure to ask for money at the end.
87. Next time you go to a museum. Tell them that you would like to only pay a dollar since its only a suggestion donation...right? When they refuse, acted surprised and tell you..ll be back on Friday when it's free.
88. When driving anywhere, make sure to print out plenty of mapquest directions. Be sure to not follow them or read them backwards. It is also ok to skip numbers, cause it doesn't really matter if you..re going north or south anyway.
89. Feel free to dress as you please...use accessories like hats, belts, necklaces and bags. If you need help deciding, dress in a different decade each week. If this idea scares you, just wear black.
90. Get really excited every time you see a Broadway musical soundtrack in a store.
91. Stand almost completely in the middle of the road and try to get a car to stop. When they do, get in and ask them how much it will be to get to your destination (remember to barter). Pretend they are a gypsy cab.
92. Host a party. Make sure to use Evite to send invitations.
93. Be sure to furnish your apartment with furniture you find off the street.
94. Be sure to get rid of unnecessary furniture (remember you don't really have room for it.) First thing to go should be the kitchen table....eat standing or on the couch.
95. Feel free to dance in the grocery store, clothing store, park or wherever else is necessary.
96. Try walking around your apartment naked. It's best to do it in the nighttime with your blinds open when your neighbors might be home. It..s helpful if you live RIGHT next to someone.
97. Leave all windows open so that any animal passing by can visit or die in your living room.
98. Put an extra lock on your front door and two more on your bedroom door so that you have to unlock at least 5 locks before you get to your bedroom.
99. Occasionally fall asleep on your couch with the light on, all your daytime clothes and shoes still on.
100. Get 50 (or more) of your friends to walk around with you at ALL times.
Originated by: Sara Jane Lundquist
Contributions by: Valerie Baker and Anne Wright
Edited by: Sara Jane Lundquist, Anne Wright and Jessica Harris |
2 comments:
or you just move there so you dont have to pretend:P
That is the best list!
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