What I did this Summer (take 1)

Sure, the retelling of "what I did this summer" usually happens when you get back from vacation and stand in front of your elementary school class. A bag of sand, a few seashells and a postcard "wishing you were here" all splayed in front of oohing and ahhing classmates. A silent tension, everyone vying for who did the coolest things while away from the confines of the classroom is a highlight of the fall term.

I figure if I wait until September I will forget the best (mis)adventures of the summer so here we go with round one. Memorial Day weekend officially kicks off all things summer. Somehow growing up we always ended up leaving California and coming to Park City, Yellowstone, or the national parks in and around Utah. Now that I live here I want to return to California but since Hunter is up from Houston (& I just went to CA) we stuck it out close to home for Memorial Day weekend. Here is what I learned over these fine 3 days of summer vacation:

-Bonfires can potentially be ruined by friends inviting friends of friends and having said individuals consists of tools, posers, sheltered bubble children, and those that want their lives to be as “exciting as the Hills.” How could I forget, there are also those kids that still communicate exclusively through insider mission stories (WTF?!). In this situation one must use patience as a weapon of choice and wait out the needy, they will find shiny objects elsewhere.

-Enjoyment of particular bonfires can be maintained by ignoring passive aggressive people that feel entitled to attention and act out like spoiled children when they don’t get what they want. Bonus points to the whack job that couldn't stay behind with a swine flu cough and camped out at a nearby picnic table coughing for all the sympathetic ears. This sickly individual sure could gobble a charred brawt when it came time to eat though, she had a magic gullet.

-Events that are spontaneously planned should still be planned enough to include a destination and communication to the socially infirm (see friends of friends of friends) so they can make it to the mountainous destination without having to run red lights in a game of vehicular follow-the-leader.

-It’s OK to expose posers for what they are. Especially when the dinks can’t even talk the talk to begin with. Example: whitebread, flatbrim hat wearing Utah rappers that barely have fireside cred let alone street cred (Yo, yo dawg. Next time leave TightyWhitey & Crew off the guest list).

-Trips to Park City for the Alpine Coaster/Slide can be derailed by surprise guest appearances by girlfriends of friends of friends that exhibit unjustified demands and socially aggressive behavior. Good thing this one was kept in check from the click of her 3-point seat belt. Too bad the nagging could be heard throughout the stillness of the Aspen trees at PCMR. Auditory deflection can be used to block out sniveling tantrums, some people are as transparent as scotch tape (Caution: it's OK to put baby in the corner in this situation).

-When there is a possibility of defaulting to a bad dining destination one must fight passive aggressive behavior with matter-of-fact statements like: “no” and “we shouldn’t waste our money there.”

-Shopping with great people can make the outlets fun, if not completely entertaining.

-Doing expensive things with cheap people can be trying at times (especially when expensive starts at the "anything over $10 level). Red Rock Brewery trumps the Baja Cantina at PCMR any day of the week, suck it up and pay the extra $5.

Lessons all worth learning, I just wish they weren't so "trial and error" while Hunter is in town from Houston. Next time the pesky people come swarming I will pack my repellant. Deet works on people too ya know.