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Front Row Joe for the Mets

What I Did on My Summer Vacation: Part II, The Narrows

[Roll the R’s people, like in Spanish class. It’s the Narrrrrrrows]

Summer vacation at last. Here is my tale of the road trip that almost wasn’t. The threat of flash floods and threats from coworkers about my eminent demise in such flash floods had me scrambling for a Plan B, C, D,…H. Instead of hiking the Narrows we could go to Vegas, LA, San Diego, San Francisco, Catalina Island,…but we kept the faith, endured to the end and were rewarded for our patience (and stupidity).

Day 1: Hurry Up & Wait

We got a late start on the road. The weather in Salt Lake was less than desirable (all the more reason to get the heck outta Dodge). I spent the morning doing laundry and shopping for last minute things that I don’t need.

We arrived in Springdale (the little town next to Zion National Park) a little late and opted to upgrade from a campsite to a hotel room. I know, I’m not a camping purest but it helps that Jesse & Brian were easily swayed for the change of sleeping venue: setting up camp in the dark, unpacking early to catch our morning shuttle v beds, showers, and cable TV. (Hotel wins)

Day 2: The Blind Leading the Blind [hiking not to scale]

6 hours. That is how long it generally takes to reach campsite 6, our ultimate destination for the first round of hiking. Make your guesses now how long it took us…I’m setting the under/over at 8 hours. (hint: it took longer than 8 hours)

The off-road shuttle bus took about 2 hours to get us to the drop spot. After being left in the middle of nowhere we headed down stream (under the assumption that we shouldn’t use the road that had a No Trespassing sign). Armed only with a narrative listing of what we should be seeing, passing, and hiking through with extra help from a visitor center map we played ‘follow the leader’ through boggy marshland. After an hour or so doubt crept into Jesse’s mind and we had to face the reality that we might be headed in the wrong direction. Turns out we should have been on a Jeep trail instead of a stream bed. Pressing forward, in search of an abandoned cabin at mile 3, we were silently elated that the cabin existed. After an impromptu photo shoot we kept a leisurely pace into the canyon and eventually the Narrows. Eventually we had lunch, tested out the water purifier and I managed to drop my camera in the river. Never fear the camera still worked, I couldn’t change the settings and the flash was permanently disabled but it worked. As the sun started to descend in the sky so did our hopes of reaching campsite 6, we hadn’t even seen campsite 1 yet. We picked up the pace and our anxiety quickened proportionately. We played a game of reenacting or quoting memorable scenes from Jurassic Park, I dubbed the game Feed Me a Line. Turns out Brian is an idiot savant when it comes to remembering movie lines. He won and deservedly so.

The shadows in the canyon stretched down on us just as we hit campsite 1. A new river joined us and the rushing water doubled in cubic inches. The nice riverbed rocks morphed into slippery bowling balls and we stayed our course with grumblings from Brian and myself, Jesse decided to start singing (classic coping mechanisms). With each zigzagging of the river we kept a lookout for campsite designations. We contemplated setting up camp at 4 or 5 but, of course, they already were filled with hikers (the first people we had seen all day). With darkness officially surrounding us we broke out the headlamps and flashlights. After 5 minutes of the death march Jesse spotted Campsite 6 up in the brush. We set up camp, hung up our soaked clothes, cooked the best chicken & rice (and worst lasagna ever) & fell fast asleep.

Day 3: 6 Hours Left [Says Who???]

With the newfound knowledge that our pace was well below the “average” hiker we wanted to ensure that we got out of the Narrows before the next sunset. Somehow this knowledge didn’t translate to an early departure. We woke up late and were feeling the brunt of bruised toes and sore knees. We eventually hit the point of having to “go swimming” with our packs (glad they floated). We rested when we needed and screamed every time one would stub their toe. Jesse eventually stopped taking pictures every 10 minutes (his dry bag got scratched and was problematic, hope some of his pictures turn out).

After what seemed to be 100’s of twists and turns through the Narrows we were gradually joined by other hikers headed down stream (a sign that the end was within grasp). I knew we were close when old ladies puffing on cigarettes were hiking with us (PS: who the hell goes to a National Park and lights up cancer sticks?!). After reaching the trail terminus and posing for our “After” photo we tackled the paved path to the shuttle. This short path turned out to be about 2 miles long and felt like it might never end. The shuttle got us back to the visitor’s center just in time to hike to the city shuttle stop (this hike was never going to end!). When we got to the hotel/outfitter stop I was the last one to grab my stuff and complete my own version of the walk of shame through the bus; tired, smelly, mentally exhausted, and afraid of falling down the shuttle steps from fatigue. To my surprise, I looked down and there was my boss with his family boarding the shuttle as the headed to dinner.

Yes people, I went on vacation and my boss happened to find me 100’s of miles away from the office in a desert canyon town. But wait…we also ran into each other at dinner and discovered they were 4 doors down from us at the hotel we were checking into. I couldn’t script stuff like this!

Day 4: Curtain Call

With a good night sleep and aching bodies we all opted to hide out at the hotel all day. Angels Landing can wait for another trip; I couldn’t hike up steps let alone a hike that is rated as Stair Master difficult (according to the brochure). We borrowed some DVDs from the front desk and watched HBO only leaving for meals. This day was the dream of slackers everywhere. The curtains were drawn and daylight was barely seen.

We eventually traveled back into the park for an easy hike up to see the sunset. My vertigo kicked in a bit when looking over the edge of the cliff. Brian got a little too close to the edge, Jesse wasn't too happy, I waited for one of the unattended kids to run off the edge in defiance to their parents. All-in-all, a great day.

Day 5: Class .5 Rapids

After packing up and hitting the Spotted Dog for a breakfast buffet we headed back to the Zion Adventure Company outfitters for inner-tube rentals. For $15 we spent our last 2 hours in town drifting down the river. The water was cold, the rapids were mild, and the laughter was in great supply. We kept ending up in the vegetation on the banks and accosted by stray three branches. When we weren’t getting stuck on rocks and sand bars we were linked 3-abreast headed down what really was nothing more than an over glorified stream. After we passed under the 2nd bridge we hoofed it up to the road and waited for the shuttle. We looked like misguided hitch hikers that preferred to suntan on inner-tubes than walk another step. I love us. With a quick stop at Oscar’s on the way out of town we munched some lunch and hit the road back to the other Zion: SLC. Brian was a trooper and drove the entire way home. Jesse napped and I enjoyed the masterfully selected playlist (Craig Armstrong was just right for the drive through desolate Utah, aka Middle Earth). A few hundred miles later we were back home and trying to figure out how to wear work shoes with busted feet and pulled quads.

Vacation is awesome. True Story.

The caption almost writes itself

Matches, tampons, pads, SOS pads, & Swiffer packs. Smells, spills,
scrubbers, & dust are covered in one convenient spot.

Why is their house still in the middle of the street?

After my time spent living in London I find this update to be spot on:

Poe-Poe-Poe-Poker Face

The odds-on-favorite this weekend had to be: The rain will ruin the majority of everyone’s outdoor plans on Saturday & Sunday.

I should have bet more money; I might have actually won something.

However, if someone would have told me that due to the downturn in the weather I would be paying money to learn how to play Texas Hold’em while helping homeless pets I would have established that as the long-shot of the weekend. [As a side note, I am fully aware that I lived in TX for 5 years and never learned how to play, please take your judgmental scowls elsewhere.] I should know better, I typically can’t be talked into things like this and peer pressure has no power over me BUT there were convincing arguments made by Jesse, Brian, and Jason. After minimal browbeating (and a dinner at Sugarhouse BBQ) I succumbed and eventually found myself seated at a poker table at the Radisson hotel surrounded by dogs and their smelly owners. The poor dealer had no idea that when we said that “we were beginners” that we were not underestimating ourselves. Video Poker in Wendover for 3 hours does not equal any form of comprehension or skill level of Texas Hold'em.

We enjoyed a private table for a few hands then others started to join. The dealer thought we were entertaining and was happy to drink all the free alcohol he could get. The four of us teamed up (pretty sure that is illegal) to take a majority of Phil's chips (our first victim of the night) then turned our attention to the young couple that replaced him. The gentleman in his jeans and sportcoat thought he would up the ante after the second hand just to make us sweat a little. Unfortunately for him I was dealt the first Straight of my life and pretty much cleaned him out of his first set of chips. Haha sucker, your chips were mine. As the night progressed other players came and went from our festive table in the back corner.

Haggatha (not her real name but I deemed it so, so it became her name for the time we spent together) got upset when I loudly exclaimed, “Suck it, douche bag!” to Brian (in the friendliest, competitive tone) as I squeaked out a victory past him. She tested out her stern voice of rebuking on me but only got a raised eyebrow in return (you don't scare me old lady, but please stay on your side of the table and keep your hands where I can see them). Old Haggy was a card shark that played ignorant and tried to run the table. The joke was on her, we were collectively more stupid/stupider/stupified than she could have ever imagined. We had no strategy. Hell, we barely knew what we were holding on our hands; Brian was the only one that had every really played before. I heard that later on old bag Hag took the table for all its winnings, I took solace in knowing that she wasn’t able to cash out on her stack of chips (all built upon by our losses). Thank god it was a fundraising event and just for pretends, not for reals.

Being the old man that I am, I grew tired of sitting at the same table and was ready to call it quits by 10:15ish. I hate being the party pooper so I removed myself to the lobby so the other 3 could continue their new found love of the game. Within a few minutes the search party came looking for me. My lack of enthusiasm at the thought of another hour+ of card games quickly infected my three compadres faster than the Swine Flu at a West Valley daycare. With hungry bellies we relocated to the California Pizza Kitchen (the bonus of being the old lame guy is that places like CPK are still open when I’m ready to call it quits). We made it there and ordered before the doors closed at 11:00 p.m. and had a tasty dinner filled with carbs that worked better than an adult dose of a perscription sleep aid. Hmmm, sleep. I fell asleep as soon as I crawled into bed and dreamt of all the fun I would have on Sunday.

Too bad when I woke up the weather forecast was still dismal and the theme for the weekend continued to be: Plan B (aka what can we do now that it’s still raining?!) The details of Plan B, lucky for me, included homemade weekend waffles with fresh Strawberries & whipped cream (remind me to tell you how that cream cost me $400+ at Albertsons), MarioKart, and a lazy afternoon trying to construct a larger Plan B for the (soon-to-be ill-fated) Narrows trip later this week.

Cocoon III: the Movie (Live on stage)

No, it's just a bad iPhone pic if Joel McHale. The opening comic was laaame (schtik based completely on ethnic jokes is not funny dude, weaksauce - make more time for Joel).

Summer Snow?

How is it that we have snow in June? Is this global warming? Is it 'end of days' weather?

Better yet, since when did the sunrise kick in at 5:00 AM?! I need to invest in blinds or tin foil or something. Next thing you know, I will head into work just because I can't sleep, travesty of the 10th degree. It's the end of the world as [I] know it...

Silver Linings

Just in time for half-time of the Lakers/Magic game #4. It's a sign that the Orlando Magic can pull this one off.

Or...

Those Shriners are really leprechauns and they hide the gold at their hospital.

Diary of a Housesitter

Once upon a time there was a boy named Matt. His entire life he had never been referred to as Goldilocks, never been a princess with a sleep disorder, and never had hair long enough to allow free climbing up a tower. What does this have to do with anything you might ask? Well, this summer has given him the chance to housesit for a professor and this opportunity has provided a chance to sleep in multiple beds to find one that is just right; choices from a single mattress to pillowtop; craftmatic adjustable to sleep number; and to top it off, a bedroom view that is from up on high.

The fact that he can see his office from the dining table is a pro (and a con) but being able to see the wicked storms roll in from the east is just like back home in San Diego. Maybe now he can sleep through the night without the homeless people hanging out at the One World Cafe dumpster diving for Olympic gold.

We shall see which bed is just right in due time but for now he should let down his hair (Rapunzel style) and let people come on up to the tower (at least for dinner and the hot tub).

Next Diary of a Housesitter: Cooking it up gourmet style

It's about time

After almost 2 years of Google map directions on my iPhone it looks like my new 3Gs will save me from having to buy a real TomTom. Hallelujah! Now if the app and mount cost as much as a dashmount GPS I might have to fall back to the trusty native map app. Fingers are crossed, the mighty dollar will determine.

My fingers are really crossed that the new phone will be delivered before I head to NYC later this month. (does crossing your toes too help at all in situations like this?)

GM: Reinvention v. Retardation

Uphill Battle

The worst part about having a wall of windows in your office is that you can see the great weather you are missing out on. Instead of sitting in my office debating about all of the things I could be doing outside I decided to take a stand, I declared Wednesday a half-day. [shocking]

I checked a few webcams at the mountain resorts, checked the weather forecast, sent out a text to a trusty friend, checked in on a few projects, and coworkers, and then I closed the laptop, shut my office door behind me and didn’t look back. I hadn't planned on it but I used this hike as an opportunity to break-in my new hiking/canyoneering shoes (bought for my trip to the Narrows this month). They were a little big out of the box but I had to put them to the test sometime, right? They were spot-on. Perfect shoes & well worth the money.

I love to hike Bald Mountain at Deer Valley in the early spring and late fall so it was a natural pick for this leisurely Wednesday trek. Jesse and I drove up to the Silver Lake Lodge and started a “quick hike” that would allows us enough time to get back down the valley for our separate meetings that started at 6:00 PM. Our intentions of a quick hike were modified due to one of us having a leg day at the gym the day before and the need to just have a relaxing time in the mountains. Jesse had his camera and needed some time to get inspired; he is not one to take the same picture that he knows everyone else has taken. [He’s quite talented behind his new Canon camera]

On a quick side note, one thing I like about Jesse is that he is an avid reader of blogs and always has the best talking points. He shares some great stuff through Google Reader and I know whatever it is it won’t be a waste of time. I can only relate it to being the exact opposite of those people that insist on emailing FWD’s that involve a quiz, a chain letter, a mystic story, or some extremist message (you know the type). If it’s not interesting it’s not going to complete his sentence of “So, there’s this blog I’ve been following and they were saying…” Case in point, after not taking too many pictures he shared a quote from a photography blog about how “no matter where you are, there are 10 great pictures within 10 meters.” Truer words.

Any way, by the time we made it to the top of Bald Mountain there was no way that we were making it back to the car, let alone Salt Lake City, before 6:00 PM. We had fun taking pictures and talking about the upcoming trip to the Narrows. I don’t think my 2-megapixel iPhone really compared to his digital SLR but I still put forth a valiant effort.

The weather allowed for us to be conveniently lazy in our descent, not too cold and just enough of a breeze to remind us a storm was rolling in. In typical fashion we were starving and ready for some good food. With our combined short-term memory loss of what is good to eat in PC we ended up pitting a Blackberry and an iPhone against each other for a final destination (also the name of a movie we couldn’t remember).

After scarfing a bucket of chips and two dishes of salsa we were quickly stuffed by our main dishes. Needless to say, we were happily pregnant with food babies. With the late return to the city we both missed our 6:00 meetings, I missed an 8:00 softball game (sorry guys) and opted to go see Observe & Report (the mall cop movie with Seth Rogen). Sadly, the movie was barely worth the $1.25 but we still found moments worth laughing at. If anything, I have an appreciation for the daily routine of a mall cop. I will gladly take a frustrated afternoon locked up in my office, looking out the window, instead of patrolling the Valley Fair Mall as a rent-a-cop. Then again, I will gladly take a half-day the next time the weather is nice and I can manage a few hours on away from my desk.

True story.