The odds-on-favorite this weekend had to be: The rain will ruin the majority of everyone’s outdoor plans on Saturday & Sunday.I should have bet more money; I might have actually won something.
However, if someone would have told me that due to the downturn in the weather I would be paying money to learn how to play Texas Hold’em while helping homeless pets I would have established that as the long-shot of the weekend. [As a side note, I am fully aware that I lived in TX for 5 years and never learned how to play, please take your judgmental scowls elsewhere.] I should know better, I typically can’t be talked into things like this and peer pressure has no power over me BUT there were convincing arguments made by Jesse, Brian, and Jason. After minimal browbeating (and a dinner at Sugarhouse BBQ) I succumbed and eventually found myself seated at a poker table at the Radisson hotel surrounded by dogs and their smelly owners. The poor dealer had no idea that when we said that “we were beginners” that we were not underestimating ourselves. Video Poker in Wendover for 3 hours does not equal any form of comprehension or skill level of Texas Hold'em.
We enjoyed a private table for a few hands then others started to join. The dealer thought we were entertaining and was happy to drink all the free alcohol he could get. The four of us teamed up (pretty sure that is illegal) to take a majority of Phil's chips (our first victim of the night) then turned our attention to the young couple that replaced him. The gentleman in his jeans and sportcoat thought he would up the ante after the second hand just to make us sweat a little. Unfortunately for him I was dealt the first Straight of my life and pretty much cleaned him out of his first set of chips. Haha sucker, your chips were mine. As the night progressed other players came and went from our festive table in the back corner.
Haggatha (not her real name but I deemed it so, so it became her name for the time we spent together) got upset when I loudly exclaimed, “Suck it, douche bag!” to Brian (in the friendliest, competitive tone) as I squeaked out a victory past him. She tested out her stern voice of rebuking on me but only got a raised eyebrow in return (you don't scare me old lady, but please stay on your side of the table and keep your hands where I can see them). Old Haggy was a card shark that played ignorant and tried to run the table. The joke was on her, we were collectively more stupid/stupider/stupified than she could have ever imagined. We had no strategy. Hell, we barely knew what we were holding on our hands; Brian was the only one that had every really played before. I heard that later on old bag Hag took the table for all its winnings, I took solace in knowing that she wasn’t able to cash out on her stack of chips (all built upon by our losses). Thank god it was a fundraising event and just for pretends, not for reals.Being the old man that I am, I grew tired of sitting at the same table and was ready to call it quits by 10:15ish. I hate being the party pooper so I removed myself to the lobby so the other 3 could continue their new found love of the game. Within a few minutes the search party came looking for me. My lack of enthusiasm at the thought of another hour+ of card games quickly infected my three compadres faster than the Swine Flu at a West Valley daycare. With hungry bellies we relocated to the California Pizza Kitchen (the bonus of being the old lame guy is that places like CPK are still open when I’m ready to call it quits). We made it there and ordered before the doors closed at 11:00 p.m. and had a tasty dinner filled with carbs that worked better than an adult dose of a perscription sleep aid. Hmmm, sleep. I fell asleep as soon as I crawled into bed and dreamt of all the fun I would have on Sunday.
Too bad when I woke up the weather forecast was still dismal and the theme for the weekend continued to be: Plan B (aka what can we do now that it’s still raining?!) The details of Plan B, lucky for me, included homemade weekend waffles with fresh Strawberries & whipped cream (remind me to tell you how that cream cost me $400+ at Albertsons), MarioKart, and a lazy afternoon trying to construct a larger Plan B for the (soon-to-be ill-fated) Narrows trip later this week.
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