Strawberry Shortcake is in Trouble (pronounced as: J-A-I-L)

I’m in the business of finding solutions to problems. I’m like Mr. Wolf from a certain Tarantino flick, I fix what’s wrong & clean up the mess. If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll solve it, check out the hook while my D.J. revolves it….

I digress.

To prove a point that I am not a cold-hearted bastard & have mad clean-up skills I thought it wise to find a solution for someone that I have little compassion for, someone that makes Miley Cyrus seem like she might have redeemable qualities, a person that feels the world is poking fun at her Milk-a-holic tendencies, the over-exposed, overrated, undershampooed, black-listed from the Anne of Green Gables remake…

Lindsay Lohan (left), Unnamed clone (right)

Predicament: Fear of jail & women in jail that like Strawberry Shortcake
Symptoms: Crying in front of a judge, cracked out episodes of delirium
Reality: They might actually make an example out of her (it didn’t work w Paris Hilton & a host of other E! reality stars so this is the prime opportunity to get some camera time for the judge)

Solution: Hike up the bell tower where they have stashed Quasi-modo and the “other” Lindsay that co-starred with her in the remake of the Parent Trap. Crank up your soundtrack of Newsies on your iPod and “Open the Gates & Seize the Day” LoLo, let your clone live out her destiny.


Hurry, you will need to hop her up on a meth binge, grease up her hair (as needed), and rejoice that you’ve only fed her scraps of food while imprisoning her in the tower so she is emaciated just like the original Lohan. BONUS SOLUTION POINTS: She’s already been living behind bars up in the tower next to Rapunzel so it’s not like jail is a bad thing!

Sure my solution pulls some threads from the Man in the Iron Mask movie but if it works for the wicked King Louis XIV it could work for crusty lil Lindsay.

Problem: Solved

*Post inspiration credited to Emily, Erika & Chanel