International Meeting Day 2009 (seriously)

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In case you can't read the posted disclaimer:
International Meeting Day 2009
Events canceled due to H1N1
Flu Outbreak at the Bakery

Help yourself to a discounted
Cookie!
(as a joke people, there's not an outbreak that I know of)

Almost forgot, here is the agenda for IMD 2009:

Theme: Putting the “IN” back in INternational Meetings

10:00 Distribution of official “Int’l Meeting Day” refreshments and MeetINg Appreciation session

11:00 Come IN & Sit Down: How to Chillax your next meetINg

11:30 INevitable Issues: plannINg on miracles & where to order them on the INternet

12:00 How technology can better INefficientize INternational collaboration and discussion (Podcast for iPhones only)

12:30 Dissecting the INsanity of an ABA visit

1:00 Getting INto Wallets, Polite PickpocketINg

1:30 RennovatINg with Main Campus IN 2 Easy Steps: How to play the 1) Request & 2) Wait game

2:00 INcreasINg revenue at home while decreasINg debt abroad (it’s IN the bag)

2:30 Breakout Sessions:

Group A: FINdINg Acceptance IN Rejection: Why didn’t I get INto law school?

Group B: INterrogating candidates to determine INtelligence

Group C: LivINg among mere mortals: my trials as a nINja in the workplace

Group D: The INs and outs of breakINg down the INsidious INclusiveness withIN the INner admINistrative Circle – How to Barter with Chocolate!

Group E: Video ConferencINg: making YouTube IN the office count

Group F: PlayINg It Safe: how to Bcc with the best of them

Group G: ImplementINg work plans IN 4 time zones with INtensity

2:45 Musical Interlude

2:55 Wrap-up: Discussion leaders summarize the “takeaway points” from each session.

3:00 INaction Items: What are those (& how do I get some them?)

3:30 Calisthenics: Facial Warm Ups: How to avoid INadvertent & INappropriate facial responses to coworkers

4:00 Strategic SeatINg: Life IN the back row, it’s better than you think

4:30 Snow Removal: June assignments

5:00 MeetINg Agendas: To Be Distributed via Courier Pigeons

5:30 Wrap-up: Take Aways (that you can remember)

5:55 ½ Assignments for Int’l MeetINg Day 2010

6:00 Final Thoughts

6:02 Schedule Next MeetINg

6:03 Smoke'em if you got'em (just no where near the building please)

I'm sending out a S.O.S...from Table #7

This is what happens when friends don't call friends to bail them out of work obligations. I simply asked for one phone call by 7:00 PM tonight so I could be 'that guy' that has to mysteriously exit a dinner program. Did I get any love? N-O. Did I stay for the whole thing? Just look at the picture, seems the Marriott is now giving away flowery hair accessories with every dessert. Any takers?

PS: I missed out on Wicked for this, yes...this.

PC v Mac

Take a wild guess which side is running Windows and which is running OSX...I'm Matt and I'm a Mac!

Table #4

It's not every night you get to have dinner with the former President of Colombia (the country, Columbia is the university). Cesar Gaviria definitely has opinions on US foreign policy so it was fun watching the faces of the international scholars at my table. The man was as fun to watch as he was to listen to. The next time I play charades (which I hope is not for a very long time) I now know how to act out: Chewing Cocoa Leaves.

I admit, anyone who gets a knock on their door at home by Fidel Castro has my attention.

Table #4 was the place to be Thursday night, where were you?

The End of an (Expensive) Era

The day has finally come. After over 5 years of being at my current workplace I finally caved. I’m not sure what led to this turn of events but this can easily be categorized as life changing (for me). I have resisted the urge, I have had little reason to change, the incentives were never there, it is purely selfish and the money spent on perpetuating this nasty habit is something that only Wells Fargo can comprehend.

Yes my friends, I have brought my lunch to work. (Gasp) As a hush falls over the crowd let me assure you that this took 4 days of vacation time to get around to cooking something, let alone something that would allow leftovers to fill the Gladware that collects dust in the cupboards. Mark your calendars for this momentous occasion since one of my main reasons for not bringing lunch is based in the hard fact that we have food for events all of the time. It’s not that unusual for those that regularly bring a lunch let it spoil in the fridge since there is something more tasty in the lounge, left at the front desk, or a group heading down the street for a bite.

Granted, I am the one that usually gathers a group and heads out the door to pick up something from 1300 East or 400 South but I’m turning a new leaf. I promise to minimize my role as the tempter for those that bring their lunch – it hasn’t been my intent to be the lunch hour Lucifer. My promises and proposals for succulent options that sound better than your smashed PB&J or microwave diet entrée.

I now join the ranks of those in line at the microwave to reheat some smelly dish. I am sad to say goodbye to my spendy dining habits but I’m sure I will feel better about the money I save.

Then again, I just got the email that we are having salads delivered at 12:30. Screw the Spanish Rice and Chicken in the mini-fridge – I’m off the (chuck)wagon. True Story.

Barrister's Ball 2009 "Biggest Loser Edition"

It's time again for the Barrister's Ball (aka law school prom). This year the ads were inspired by reality TV and they come in a few flavors. Here is the first one that dropped right before spring break. Stay tuned for future spots - I can guarantee at least one vicious cat fight over lotion and lip gloss in a Real World spoof that includes a butcher knife.

A big thanks to Jesse Nix for taking the time to film, edit, and post these (and everyone else that put their legal careers in jeopardy by participating in these).

Reckless Abandon(ment of work duties)

Last Friday I got reacquainted with my inner child. We have been estranged for quite some time. This small self-imposed intervention involved skis, a day pass to Deer Valley, and an honest ditch day from work. I knew it was long past due when everyone was startled at my declaration that I was taking the day off just to take the day off. Seems I have become a common-law wife to my job. We have been together for so many months that we have done the equivalent of a Vulcan mind meld; we were one.

I am not my job. I am not my job (or so I internally chant week in and week out).

This was premeditated and done without regard to what was on my calendar for that particular Friday. The weather channel was monitored throughout the week to ensure fresh snow combined with blue skies. As luck would have it my Friday off came with the bonus of being the conjoined twin of President’s Day so I gifted myself a 4-day weekend. That’s right, not just a 2-day weekend, not just a 3-day weekend but a 4, a 4, a 4-day weekend for the price of one (now go back a re-read that sentence with the inflection and volume of Billy May’s from the OxyClean and Kaboom commercials).

The morning amounted to a balmy 18 degrees at the base of the mountain. With the promise of blue skies by noon and a mountain that would be packed the remainder of the weekend I grabbed the gear and began my Friday of freedom. By the time I hit the top of the first lift I was more relaxed than I had been in weeks. After having 100+ ski days at Deer Valley back in ’99-’00 this place is like a second home. The only other place that can compare would be La Jolla shores and that's just too far to travel for a day off.

I forgot how much fun the conversations on a ski lift can be. Skiing by yourself you are joined by a cadre of personalities. It’s the 4-minute version of sitting next to a stranger on an airplane. You never know if they are full of it, faking an accent, or are your next new friend. On my second lift ride I joined two stuffy gentlemen that completely ignored my existence and a teenager that had the angst of a trust fund. After passing the third or fourth pole the older men were deep in conversation about other ski resorts, namely Beaver, CO. I tried to stay aloof and scout out the next trail for my descent when the kid on my left started to giggle and shake. He looked at me as if he had just passed gas or lit the fuse to a series of cherry bombs in the cafeteria trashcan. With his eyes darting between my face and the two old guys I gave a confused look and then his head twitched towards the old men. His non-verbal cues quickly translated into “do you hear what they are saying?!” I gave heed to his not-so-subtle gesture and overheard:

Old Dude 1: “I love Beaver, I love Beaver! Once you do a long day of Beaver you can’t go back.”

Old Dude 2: “Nothing compares to letting loose on the backside of Beaver. You can slam it out all day. Beaver mornin’, noon, and night!”

All of the sudden this exchange was construed out of context and the teenager and I were a transformed into a version of Beavis & Butthead. The old men clearly knew that we were laughing at them and they knew why. Our insolence was childish and they tried to reflect the awkwardness onto us with a direct and condescending, “Do you have a problem with Beaver?” I was saved by the quick wit of the kid when, without missing a beat, he blurted out with the gusto of Amy Sedaris, “I love it, I LOVE BEEAAVVEERR! It’s the only place you can face plant mornin’, noon, and night!” Just as quickly as he blurted his proclaimation he was overcome with ADHD and reallocated his interest to the 5-kid pile up below us in ski school. I quickly became occupied with checking for text messages and Facebook updates. We all socially retreated and endured our trek uphill.

The eternity of silence that followed was maintained until we were two towers from unloading. The chair started to giggle with the chuckle of Old Dude 2 when he contracted the Beavis & Butthead disease. All he could say in between chuckles was “face plant.” We reached the crest of the mountain, parted ways and enjoyed the anonymous nature provided by head-to-toe ski gear. The kid and I crossed paths only once more that day. After lunch I headed toward Bald Mountain where he saw me from his lift chair and shouted “Face Plant!” I laughed and realized that I can never go skiing at Beaver, CO for the simple fear of face planting.

True Story.

A job well done

The phrase “well done” can have many meanings. With ordering burgers it means no bloody mess in the middle, please. When it’s a prime cut of beef it means you have no idea how to order a steak. At times of exhaustion and work stress it means you can breathe and maybe even crack a smile (gold star stickers are optional around my office).

I try to avoid posting anything related to work due to etiquette and my life of mild secrecy. This time it’s OK since you have no real context and this falls under the category of me getting to play the straight man in a tense situation.

Today the result of "a job well done" resulted in the following comical exchange. But first, let's set the stage for this short conversation (see what Sundance does to you, everyone becomes a director).

...lower the house lights, cue the orchestra, raise the curtain, spotlight on me (of course) and an unnamed gentleman of stature, kill the music, cue the dialog...

[Gentleman] “I should be jumping for joy at this news”

[Me] "or jumping under the table”

[Gentleman] “or out the window”

[Me] “we're on the ground floor and your window barely opens”

[Gentleman] “Point taken.”

This is what happens when you are up to your eyes in special projects that appear to be making progress. As life would have it, you get more difficult, I mean special, projects thrown at you.

Think of Nancy Kerrigan right after she got her legs smashed by Jeff Gillooly. In my mind I was not so calm, my inner voice was loudly proclaiming, "Why?!...why?!...why is this happening to me?!" Only time will tell if this new project leads back to Tonya Harding. If it does, heaven help us all.

I don’t mind that you have no idea why the 5 lines of dialog above made me and the other person laugh (a laugh that sounds like if it weren't a chuckle it could easily be mistaken for a nervous cry). Then again, this blog is for my enjoyment and not so much yours.

True Story.

Where to begin - how about nowhere?

I need to get on the ball with this blog, I know. I have a variation of the same excuses each time I upload my monthly tales. So as this falls of deaf ears, I'm sorry. I will try to do better (let the vicious cycle of procrastination, an overwhelming amount of topics, and an aversion to sitting at a keyboard while not at work repeat once again).

Sorry!

October continued in my need to vacation, and vacation I did. I want to thank www.delta.com for sending their last minute fare alerts. This go-around it got my butt in a seat headed for LA. I knew that I couldn't get away during fall break but I could disappear the week before so I used guilt to find two of the worlds greatest travel companeros and we we in the Magic Kingdom of Disney by Saturday morning. The beauty of this spontaneous trip was that we had little planning and still had a great time. My friends even downloaded a program to map out our days in the park - in three days we stood in line for only about 2-3 hours (total!). By the time we got our photo with Mickey that first morning it was destined to be a great trip - it makes all the difference when the people you travel with are simpatico. I left my camera in my bag for all three days but I have a few pictures that I captured with my phone...hope they satiate your appetite for pictures.

Oh Mickey - you're so fine, you're so fine...

The highlight was definitely having the Haunted Mansion decked out for the Nightmare Before Christmas

In case you wondered where candy corn came from. It grows in stalks and in trees. Duh!

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. I got soaked and spent the next two hours with a severe case of swotch.

California Adventure was fun but not as cool as California in general. Especially when we (I) lost my ticket and had to halt the fast-passes.

Changing gears, work is work and that's all I'm going to say. It has me exhausted and up to my eyeballs in foreign affairs. I'm living the dream of "don't ask, don't tell" so please don't bother asking me what I do. Truth is, I don't even have a strong grasp on it these days and it's different everyday. One thing I can tell you is that we are decorating for Halloween at the college and I expect it will be a crazy week of butcher paper, masking tape, and people trying to figure out what we are doing. The front office has decided to go with a "Birds" theme - like the horror movie. It's cool but we did a major chunk of it while the bosses were out on Friday - can't wait to hear the reactions (and curse words) as they see it for the first time. Not sure if my boss will go for it but at least it was a nice distraction from the work we have been doing (yet again, nothing I can really talk about but if you read the paper you can figure it out on your own).

Here is a taste of what we have been doing to the front office at work. I am the master of making trees and birds now - who knew I had it in me to be so creative?

My big news for the month is that I will be moving out in the next few weeks. The time has come and it's time to live without roommates. I have mixed emotions on the topic of flying solo, mostly I'm sad that I won't be living with Scott anymore. Scott is one of the world's nicest guys and I don't want to leave him high and dry. I have a few housing options in the city but need to make a decision this week on where I will end up by mid-November. At least that will serve as a teaser to check back on where in the world "Matthew SanDiego" is.

I will make sure to post pictures of he Halloween party and my costume. You might need to check the following link to get up to speed on who I will be: www.drhorrible.com (I won't tell you what character I am planning to be just yet - it's a surprise)

Until next time...feel free to place bets on when I will update this again. I have a feeling that JoLynn and Katie have a running wager on it. Let me know who wins.